
After each Olympics, I find myself trying to imagine what a Wisconsin Olympics would be like. What are the myths and iconic images that we would want to show the rest of the world? What is our giant inflatable beaver?
While the Vancouver Olympics ceremonies focused on Canada as a whole, typically, American Olympics are more about the region they're held in, so Atlanta had pickup trucks & Salt Lake City had the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. For Wisconsin, here are a few things I think we'd show the world:
1. Instead of giant inflatable beavers, we'd either have giant inflatable cows in the Opening or Closing Ceremony or perhaps just a Cow Parade in the host city.
2. Wherever the Wisconsin Olympics were held, you can rest assured that Bucky Badger and the UW Marching Band would be a part of it. I suspect that you'd hear "On Wisconsin" almost as often as we heard "Oh Canada" the last two weeks, not to mention the Bud Song. I think people would be singing "When you say WIS-CON-SIN, you've said it all" in their sleep.
3. It's easy to imagine the Opening Ceremonies beginning with an Ojibwe ritual.
4. Likewise, I'd expect to see a fanciful interpretation of fur traders taking birch bark canoes down the Fox River, portaging at Portage and traveling down the Wisconsin from there. Perhaps Alice Cooper would be available to explain the history to the worldwide audience.
5. Obviously, beer, cheese & brats have to be a part of the event. My thought would be to stage a light-hearted Closing Ceremony like Vancouver with a tailgate party theme. We could get a bunch of trucks (maybe Atlanta still has some we can borrow), grills, beer pong tables and baggo and show the world a good time.
6. Like Canada, Wisconsin has its share of lumberjacks and with the World Lumberjack Championships here it's only natural to include some logrolling.
7. For music, I guess we'd have to include the BoDeans since I think every Wisconsinite is required by law to go to at least one of their shows. Our cheesy American Idol would be Danny Gokey. Our indie perfomer would be Bon Iver. We could have Liberace impersonators and polka bands. It'd be fantastic, even before we got to the obligatory performance of Steve Miller's "Swingtown" ("O" for the Olympics this time, minus the swearing).
8. Our Olympic flag bearers could be giants of Wisconsin sports like Bart Starr, Hank Aaron, Robin Yount, Bo Ryan, Dick Trickle (yeah, I said it), Ron Dayne and Bob Uecker. Oh, Brett Favre, if you weren't such an ass, you'd be on this list...
9. If Wisconsin held the Winter Olympics (oh, if only we still had the Gogebic mountains) I'd think the torch would be lit by either Dan Jansen or Eric Heiden. In the summer, it's harder, but maybe someone like Suzy Favor Hamilton would fit the bill?
10. Finally, the most delightful part of the Olympics would be how certain athletes and fans would be pleasantly surprised to find a slice of home here. Swiss skiers could fill up on rosti in New Glarus, while German bobsledders would feel right at home in Milwaukee. A Polish biathlete would be the huge crowd favorite in Stevens Point and Norwegians would be welcomed with a wide variety of Ole and Lena jokes. Wisconsin: You're Among Friends.
But sadly, our lack of mountains, big cities and the IOC's hatred of America make this all an impossible dream, but a fun dream nonetheless.
Posted by at 10:55 AM
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