Last Friday, Outside the Beltway had one of the funniest posts that I've seen in weeks.

Apparently, I missed the memo that everyone is supposed to apologize for semi-random events for which they have no control. My bad.

I, too, apologize for the Reserve MPs who were mean to prisoners in Iraq. Sure, I’ve been out of the Army for twelve years now, but I once wore the same uniform as those guys and was also in Iraq for several months. I also drove past several Iraqi prisoners on more than one occasion without stopping to share my MREs with them (I’d have gladly donated my oatmeal cookie bar). Perhaps if I’d set a better example then, BG Karpinski would have been a better commander and I’d have conveyed to future generations of soldiers that we should be nice to Iraqi prisoners rather than making fun of their wee-wees and otherwise abusing them.

I’m very sorry that I didn’t see the 9/11 attacks coming and did nothing to prevent them. To the families who lost people that day, I failed you. Had I only been endowed with omniscence and omnipotence, rest assured that I’d have stopped the attacks rather than teaching at a mediocre college in South Alabama that day.

Also, while these events were before my time, I feel really bad about the My Lai massacre, Jim Crow laws, the Holocaust, slavery, killing all those Indians and stealing their land, and the Spanish Inquisition. If there’s anything else you’re feeling bad about, I apologize for that, too. And if this apology offended you in any way, you have my apologies.

I, too, would like to apologize. First, I apologize for not linking to this story earlier. And now that I have linked to the story, I apologize if my linking to it offends any of you. I also apologize for sleeping in today. If I had just gotten up earlier, I may have been able to make a difference in someone's life. Maybe I could have kicked off a few emails to the servicemen in Iraq and asked them to stop abusing prisoners. At the very least, maybe the 10 seconds that they would have spent reading it would have saved a prisoner from 10 seconds of abuse. It's all my fault. Indeed, my want for sleep was selfishly motivated - I admit, I was tired, but I was wrong to not think about all of the poor tired people around the world that aren't fortunate enough to get to "sleep." I am very sorry. I take full responsibility. You'll have my resignation on your desk by morning.

Be sure to click over to OTB and read some of the follow-ups. Especially funny are the posts that just don't "get it."