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  • Latest Marching Orders of the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy

       September 27, 2004

    In case you missed it, A Small Victory is on the ball and reminding all of you right wingers about our latest evil mission.

    You can tell it's authentic because Karl uses his trademark "Hello, Kitty" notecards.

    Karl is such a genius. With each hurricane, Florida has moved more towards Bush. At the start of hurrican season, Gerry at Dales' had Florida at a slight advantage for Kerry. In his latest update, the state has moved to a slight advantage for Bush. And who knows what will happen when the latest polls come out.

    So, it makes perfect sense for our leader Karl to turn his attention to the Pacific Northwest. Dales' ECB lists Washington as "leaning to Kerry". Clearly Karl thinks it'll take a volcanic eruption to turn the state to Bush. I'd imagine that he's probably thinking that an major earthquake combined with the eruption could produce tidal waves that would also bring Oregon into the fold.

    I know that our master doesn't take many suggestions from his minions, but I think he should also consider these natural disasters to bring the rest of the blue states around.

    Massachusetts, Connecticut, Maine and Rhode Island, New Hampshire: how about another "perfect storm" , but this time the damage is more on land rather than at sea.

    Vermont, New York, New Jersey & Pennsylvania: I think Karl should plan on a sudden outbreak of West Nile Virus. These states haven't had many human cases and it could create a nice panic if they suddenly got a whole slew of them.

    Maryland, DC & Delaware:
    Why should Florida have all the fun? I know that Karl says the earthquake machine is broken, but I'm sure that he's just trying to throw those sleuths in the Democratic Underground off his trail.

    Michigan, lllinois, Wisconsin, Iowa and Minnesota: These states should be easy. Karl just has to warm up the early season blizzard machine.

    New Mexico: For New Mexico, I'm thinking a drought could do the trick. They're faring well so far, but no rain until Election Day should turn them to the "right" side (pardon the pun).

    California: Bring on the big earthquake (finally), although Karl may want to wait until 2008 so he can make sure Hillary Clinton doesn't get elected.

    Hawaii: Hmm, what's left? I think Hawaii will just have to succumb to a tsunami.

    I know this will disupt so many lives, but master Karl says it's necessary to bring about the eternal reign of the Bush dynasty, so whatcha gonna do?

    Posted by at September 27, 2004 12:45 PM

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    #  March 7th, 2005 6:48 PM      Converted_Comment
    Converted comment: Posted by: Joe R. at September 27, 2004 02:57 PM

    Thanks for sparing DE from West Nile. I'm well elevated, so I can handle a little flooding.

    #  March 7th, 2005 6:48 PM      Converted_Comment
    Converted comment: Posted by: kris at September 27, 2004 03:08 PM

    "Elevated" you say? Why, that's just PC nonsense. You must be a Delaware hillbilly.

    #  March 7th, 2005 6:48 PM      Converted_Comment
    Converted comment: Posted by: Kilabe at September 27, 2004 04:42 PM

    I agree with everything except Hawaii. Let's keep it, at least until I'm off Island. :)

    #  March 7th, 2005 6:48 PM      Converted_Comment
    Converted comment: Posted by: donald hamilton at September 27, 2004 06:53 PM

    Now I know where the missing Iraqi nukes are-under Mount St. Helens. All my best, Hans Blix.

    #  March 7th, 2005 6:48 PM      Converted_Comment
    Converted comment: Posted by: Joe R. at September 27, 2004 10:34 PM

    Actually, DE is imploding from within. New Castle County could run neck-and-neck with New Jersey for level of corruption.

    "The May grand jury indictment charges Freebery with several crimes, including helping a du Pont heiress who loaned her $2.7 million with generous repayment terms to get county approvals for the Fieldstone golf course and spending $260,000 in taxpayer money to settle an employee's sexual harassment claim to keep her own alleged sexual relationship with Gordon secret."

    #  March 7th, 2005 6:48 PM      Converted_Comment
    Converted comment: Posted by: Aaron at September 29, 2004 12:28 AM

    Karl's earthquake machine was a little off. He was aiming for San Francisco, but got about 100 miles south in Parkfield where a 6.0 quake hit today.

    #  March 7th, 2005 6:48 PM      Converted_Comment
    Converted comment: Posted by: Joe R. at September 29, 2004 09:40 AM

    Looks like he swapped to floods and a tornado for Delaware. Just spare the locusts, please.

    #  March 7th, 2005 6:48 PM      Converted_Comment
    Converted comment: Posted by: kris at September 29, 2004 10:06 AM

    Oh crap! I forgot all about locusts! Oh well, I'm sure Master Karl can use them somewhere :-)




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