What If Kerry Wins
October 08, 2004
Posted by at October 8, 2004 12:02 PM
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I really like the "What If?" series of books edited by Robert Crowley. In them, historians imagine what might have been if events had turned out just a little bit differently.
With the Presidential race tightening up, I can't help but wonder what will happen if Kerry does win.
Here are my fearless predictions:
- Hillary Clinton starts to sound increasingly hawkish. Rumors circulate that she's considering a run for the Presidency in 2008 as a Republican
- Supreme Court nominee Al Gore dies of aneuryism suffered at his Senate confirmation hearing
- Texas secedes from the United States. The Republic of Texas overwhelmingly elects George W. Bush as its first "Ranger in Chief"
- American tax rates are hiked up to provide for universal health care. In response, thousands of middle class Americans stream over the borders to Texas
- American troops are pulled from Iraq. Kerry rides in swift boat to meet returning troops on an aircraft carrier outside San Diego. He gives a speech to the troops with a banner behind him proclaiming "Peace in our Time!"
- Increased school funding allows every school in America to hire diversity coordinators, sensitivity trainers and GLBT counselors
- In the meantime, the US military holds bake sales to pay for body armor
- First Lady Teresa Heinz Kerry infuriates America's last ally when she makes an off the cuff remark that "only an idiot" would rely on the Poles. "All you have to do to stop their army is turn off the carousel"
- With the Kerry election, feminists proclaim that "it's a new day for women". In unrelated news, thousands of Afghani women are killed for voting. President Kerry sends a strongly worded message to the murderers
- Islamofascists continue to hate us, even the liberals.
Posted by at October 8, 2004 12:02 PM
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Comments
| # March 7th, 2005 6:48 PM Converted_Comment | |
I'd move to Texas 12 seconds after they secede. |