I Am More Liberal Than You
I am more liberal than you. For most of the gas guzzling bourgeois who visit this fascist cesspit I'm sure that isn't saying much, but I know there are liberals reading this. It doesn't matter how much of a lefty you think you are, everyone is less liberal than me and that means you are more racist, more bigoted, more sexist, less caring, less compassionate, and less tolerant and I loath you personally with a burning hatred that can not be described.
Until now I have been content to express my progressive brilliance in a way that no other living human could ever experience. I typed hundreds of thousands of pages of intricate political commentary on a manual typewriter, but in order to lessen the impact on the precious, irreplaceable and mind bogglingly delicate rainforests I only used one sheet of paper which ultimately disintegrated into a pulpy, ink soaked ooze. Although I am monolingual, I also refused to work in English because that could offend Spanish speakers or the illiterate.
While tending the free range plants that choose to exist near my shack, a chore that involves hours of painstaking labor redistributing the dew from the wealthy elite plants to the less fortunate, I had an epiphany. I knew I could never change the cold, withered heart of even one right wing extremist internal combustion engine operating patriarchal hierarchy supporting Neo-ConservaNazi, but I realized there was a chance I could make some of you feel bad and that is almost as good.
As a liberal, I am in touch with the suffering of every living creature. When some calloused, unthinking speciesist crushes an insect beneath his heel I feel her pain and the pain of the Rwandan preteen who worked twelve hours on a Saturday for two cents in the factory where that shoe was made. When a monkey is rendered homeless by the blade of a woodsman's chainsaw, a single tear is added to the constant rain that falls gently where ever I tread. When a victim of our capitalist dystopia rises against his oppressors by mercilessly beating a white middle class SUV driver in front of her grandchildren, I give her one extra kick in the ribs in spirit.
Empathy is a tap on the constant, unending flow of misery that humans create merely by having the unmitigated ill will to continue to exist, and to be truly liberal is to drink deeply of that elixir, swallow every bitter drop and then vomit it out all over whatever despicable right wing wack job is standing nearby. Although the internet is a capitalistic construct and I hate it with every fiber of my being, I will use it to spread my bile as far as humanly possible and I'm starting right here at Dummocrats and here at my website www.moreliberalthanyou.com.
Posted by at April 3, 2005 08:26 AM
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|# April 3rd, 2005 10:24 AM alvin_cross|
|I can't believe you would be insensitive enough to use a character from "The Simpsons" to represent my column. I have never seen the show, but just from seeing screen shots I can tell that "The Simpsons" is flagrantly offensive to Asians. My attorney will contact you shortly.
Tread carefully my fascist friends. You are under the watch of my cold, unblinking eye.
|# April 3rd, 2005 10:29 AM BrianH|
|Just to correct a factual point. The Nazis have no relation to conservatives. They were (are) socialists and came from the same movements as communism and the modern liberal movement.
As for the rest of it, please free free to wallow in your idealogy, oh Supreme Liberal One.
I have to go now. Time to drive my gas guzzling SUV over some endagered species.
|# April 3rd, 2005 10:57 AM alvin_cross|
|"Just to correct a factual point. The Nazis have no relation to conservatives. They were (are) socialists and came from the same movements as communism and the modern liberal movement."
This is a common misconception. "Left Wing" means "all things that are good, right, and true." So, empathy, charity, kindness and cute little puppies are left wing. In contrast, "Right Wing" means "mean, evil, money making, military, patriarchal, closed minded bigoted scum."
It's important that you understand this kind of basic terminology if you are going to come to grips with just what an utterly foul creature you are.
|# April 3rd, 2005 1:57 PM Daddy|
|How comes you ain't a-listed in them their "contributin' authors and what-not"? See, on that their other side of the screen?
Yer lawyer ain't doin' his and her job, then.
Just tryin' to help, what wit you bein' smarter than us and all
|# April 4th, 2005 7:23 AM jonts|
|Hey, i am a card carrying republican.
I am pro-life when it comes to abortion, yet i think capital punishment is fantastic.
I publically support pre-emptive wars to stop countries getting WMD and yet am surprised when Iran begins building its own nukes when they know our good ol' US army is tied down in Iraq and we dont have the spare resources to conquer Luxemburg let alone a country the size of iran.
I believe in small government yet i support Bushes massive increase in spending to increase the size of government.
I believe in the freedom of the individual yet i thought it was great when congress stepped into to decide the fate a small family called shindler and schiavo.
Damn my headache has come back, got to sit down...why does my head hurt so much...
|# April 4th, 2005 8:21 AM BVBigBro|
|I couldn't resist.
1. I don't support the death penalty.
2. The removal of Saddam Hussein makes a negotiated settlement with Iran possible. Iran began developing nuclear weapons when Saddam was in power; for the specific reason that Saddam was a threat.
3. Bush's spending policies are a disgrace. He may as well be a democrat. This will likely be the reason the republicans lose the presidency in 2008.
4. Congress didn't step in and decide the fate of Schiavo, a judge did.
Unrelated to the Schiavo case, congress needs to step in and decide the fate of judges who have decided the constitution no longer exists.
|# April 4th, 2005 10:45 AM jonts|
1. Thats good- i wish more repulicans who claim to be pro-life also thought the same way.
2. "The removal of Saddam Hussein makes a negotiated settlement with Iran possible."
It makes it harder because the iranians know that because of the iraq war, America can not 1) afford another war and 2) doesnt have the military resources to invade iran and keep Iraq stable. i.e. bush no longer has a carrot and stick- he just has the carrot now.
3. We agree.
4. "congress needs to step in and decide the fate of judges who have decided the constitution no longer exists. "
Let's be clear: the congressional made so-called "Palm Sunday Compromise," has nothing whatever to do with the rule of law. The rule of law in this country holds that this is a federalist system—in which private domestic matters are litigated in state, not federal courts. The rule of law has long provided that such domestic decisions are generally made by competent spouses, as opposed to parents, elected officials, popular referendum, or the demands of Randall Terry. The rule of law also requires a fundamental separation of powers—in which legislatures do not override final, binding court decisions solely because the outcome is not the one they like. The rule of law requires comity between state and federal courts—wherein each respects and upholds the jurisdiction and authority of the other. The rule of law requires that we look skeptically at legislation aimed at mucking around with just one life to the exclusion of any and all similarly situated individuals.
The funny thing is that republicans were wanting an activitist judge to insert the feed tube DESPITE the letter of the law.
One mans pro-gay marriage activist judge could be another mans pro- culture of life activist judge.....
|# April 4th, 2005 10:52 AM kris|
|what if i'm pro-choice AND anti-death penalty?
i realize that might make me liberal to some people, but does that make me any less of a contradiction than the other way around, jonts?
|# April 4th, 2005 11:14 AM BVBigBro|
|My comments on the judiciary were specifically NOT related to Schiavo (see original post), although I can't help but point out that federalism should make abortion a states issue.
Congress has no business respecting the decisions of courts. The constitution clearly states only congress can make law. Separation of powers demands that congress override judicial decisions when they feel it is approprite. If not, we have only rule by a few judges. Congress needs to take back the powers specifically given to them.
|# April 4th, 2005 11:35 PM jonts|
|what if i'm pro-choice AND anti-death penalty?
Being pro-choice means you respect womens right to choose- it does not mean you are pro-death!
|# April 4th, 2005 11:39 PM jonts|
'Congress has no business respecting the decisions of courts."
Saddam, Pol pot, Pinochet, Hitler, Stalin would have wholeheartedly agreed with you that the government should not have to respect its countries laws.
|# April 5th, 2005 8:10 AM BVBigBro|
|Sorry jonts, courts don't make laws. Saddam, Pol Pot, Pinochet, Hitler and Stalin were not democratic institutions. The constituion grants overwhelming power to the congress, not the courts, or the president. Congress can remove the president. Congress can, with the consent of the states, change the supreme court. The reason for this is, of course, that congress is the only government institution that is democratically elected and representative of all the people.
It is the courts that do not respect the nations laws. Congress determines what is law and should act appropriately.