I am more liberal than you. For most of the gas guzzling bourgeois who visit this fascist cesspit I'm sure that isn't saying much, but I know there are liberals reading this. It doesn't matter how much of a lefty you think you are, everyone is less liberal than me and that means you are more racist, more bigoted, more sexist, less caring, less compassionate, and less tolerant and I loath you personally with a burning hatred that can not be described.

Until now I have been content to express my progressive brilliance in a way that no other living human could ever experience. I typed hundreds of thousands of pages of intricate political commentary on a manual typewriter, but in order to lessen the impact on the precious, irreplaceable and mind bogglingly delicate rainforests I only used one sheet of paper which ultimately disintegrated into a pulpy, ink soaked ooze. Although I am monolingual, I also refused to work in English because that could offend Spanish speakers or the illiterate.

While tending the free range plants that choose to exist near my shack, a chore that involves hours of painstaking labor redistributing the dew from the wealthy elite plants to the less fortunate, I had an epiphany. I knew I could never change the cold, withered heart of even one right wing extremist internal combustion engine operating patriarchal hierarchy supporting Neo-ConservaNazi, but I realized there was a chance I could make some of you feel bad and that is almost as good.

As a liberal, I am in touch with the suffering of every living creature. When some calloused, unthinking speciesist crushes an insect beneath his heel I feel her pain and the pain of the Rwandan preteen who worked twelve hours on a Saturday for two cents in the factory where that shoe was made. When a monkey is rendered homeless by the blade of a woodsman's chainsaw, a single tear is added to the constant rain that falls gently where ever I tread. When a victim of our capitalist dystopia rises against his oppressors by mercilessly beating a white middle class SUV driver in front of her grandchildren, I give her one extra kick in the ribs in spirit.

Empathy is a tap on the constant, unending flow of misery that humans create merely by having the unmitigated ill will to continue to exist, and to be truly liberal is to drink deeply of that elixir, swallow every bitter drop and then vomit it out all over whatever despicable right wing wack job is standing nearby. Although the internet is a capitalistic construct and I hate it with every fiber of my being, I will use it to spread my bile as far as humanly possible and I'm starting right here at Dummocrats and here at my website www.moreliberalthanyou.com.