May 19, 2005

I’m preparing an article about race, but first I’d like to lighten the mood with some good ol’ prejudice! I don’t mean ethnic or religious prejudice; I mean those quirky little beliefs that are you uniquely yours.

You know the ones I’m talking about—the ones where other people look at you like you’re outta your mind…then a minute later those same people are thanking you up and down for saving some damn time with your weird way of thinking!

My first—and most accurate—prejudice was gleaned in PA, immediately after I got my driver’s license. As a 16-year-old, I was deathly afraid of being in a car crash. So any time somebody drove like a maniac or otherwise did something stupid, I flew into a panic-stricken rage.

I soon found a common thread to all my anger—NEW JERSEY DRIVERS!!

Hey, Jersey? Your driver’s ed SUCKS! And lower the driving age to 16, that’s how it is everywhere else, and they ain’t drivin’ like Mr. Freakin’ Magoo on a drunken rampage!

New York, Connecticut, Pennsylvania, Delaware, and Maryland—you all feel me, right? Every time somebody does something stupid in the street, you wait for ‘em to pass—and there’s that ugly powder-blue plate starin’ at you. (Or maybe the yellow one, now).

It was a good, healthy, ACCURATE prejudice. I see Jersey plates ahead of me; I don’t speed up. I may even take the next right just to get away from ‘em.

Sadly, when I moved to L.A., I had to start all over. California’s a much bigger state; consequently, everybody has CA plates.

Now, when I’m driving, I really can’t see who’s operating the vehicle. I don’t pay that much ATTENTION to the drivers themselves; I’m too busy watchin’, you know, the ROAD. All I can make out on most cars is what’s on the back, which are three things: the plate….the make and model of the car….

….and any freakin’ BUMPER STICKERS!!

Anybody that has a looney left OR FAR RIGHT bumper sticker will age you 10 years. I kid you not. I understand what makes liberal drivers so crazy: “Rules are oppression! Don’t oppress me with your Euro-patriarch rules of the road! Traffic lights are unfair to the color-blind; ergo, I shall ignore them!”

The Righties? I don’t know what the hell their SLOW-POKIN’ ASSES are thinking…or IF they’re thinkin’…but this is one area where you cannot claim superiority over the secularist liberals.

Which brings me to my conclusion: Driver’s licenses give one legal permission to operate a motor vehicle. WE SHOULD NOT BE GIVING THEM TO ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS SIMPLY FOR IDENTIFICATION PURPOSES. Especially in New Jersey….especially if they have a sticker on their car of the fish with feet (Darwin)…. especially if they have a sticker of a fish EATING the fish with feet (Truth).

We give out licenses like they’re Cracker Jack toys. Are we forgetting their stated purpose? Driving tests are a joke because the DMV clerks know that failing a test means no ID for you! I know you’re gonna ding every parked car on your way outta here because you steer like a drunken epileptic…but if I fail you, you can’t write a check, use a credit card, board a plane, get into a bar, yadda yadda yadda.

How much money do highway accidents cost us each year?

A NATIONAL ID ACT. Please.

Thanks for putting up with me.

Posted by Kagan at May 19, 2005 11:43 AM

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