As I was driving to work this morning, I merged onto Madison's Beltline behind a car with a "Jesus Died For Me" bumper sticker. I've got no problem with that. What I do have a problem with is the fact that this person that Jesus died to save was driving incredibly slow. Did Jesus die so you could drive like an asshole? I don't think so.

The whole experience reminded me of a theory some friends of mine have: you can take almost any bumper sticker from around 10 years ago and turn it into a huge country hit. Think about it and tell me that these aren't awesome ideas for country songs (I have to confess, I really wish I could post audio so you could actually hear me singing the chorus to these):

• I'd Rather Be Fishin'
• My Other Car Is A Horse
• If You Can Read This, You're Too Damn Close
• If You Don't Like My Drivin', Call 1-800-EAT-SHIT (we'd have to clean that one up for the radio edit)
• Watch My Behind, Not Hers
• Beer: It's Not Just For Breakfast Anymore
• Keep Honkin'. I'm Reloading
• Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep
• The more people I meet, the more I like my dog

Those are all great, but the best potential song is clearly "What Would Jesus Do". The brilliance here isn't in the chorus so much as in the verses and overall concept. These are the lyrics I'm playing with right now:

Would Jesus drive slow in the left lane?
Would Jesus tailgate in the pouring rain?
Would Jesus cut me off and make my tires squeal?
Next time you get behind the steering wheel
Ask yourself, what would Jesus do?

There's no doubt about it, it'd be huge. Living in Madison, I rarely get to see great potential country song bumper stickers, but that disadvantage has also led me to another revelation. You can take current political bumper stickers and turn them into sensitive liberal folk anthems. Take a look at these (I'm picturing a Dar Williams or Ani DiFranco singing them):

• Kiss My Ashkroft
• I'm Too Poor To Vote Republican
• Friends Don't Let Friends Vote Republican
• The Trouble With Political Jokes Is That They Get Elected
• Visual World Peace (or Visualize Whirled Peas)
• Somewhere In Texas, There's A Village Missing An Idiot
• And Eye For An Eye Makes The Whole World Blind
• Well-Behaved Women Rarely Make History
• He's Not My President
• If You're Not Outraged, You're Not Paying Attention

I'm telling ya'll, this stuff just writes itself. I'm tempted to give up the 9 to 5 grind, find me a singer and travel the highways and biways of American writing songs.