The Top Ten Things Freshmen Really Need To Bring To The Dorms
I realized that by merely mocking the latest list of ten items to bring to the dorms, I wasn't really doing anything to help this year's crop of freshmen. So, I've prepared this list of the ten things you'll really need in the dorms. Take it from me. I've been there and done that.
10. You're going to want some art. In my time, everyone had the same poster of Michael Jordan showing off his wingspan. I'm thinking that there's probably a similiar Lance Armstrong poster out there. Now, I'm sure you're thinking "I don't want the same thing as everyone else. College is my time to show my individuality!" Uh sure. You'll show your individuality later, but when you step into the dorms, for awhile you're going to want to be just like everyone else. Freshmen travel in packs. Eventually you might be a lone wolf, but not just yet.
9. A guitar. You don't actually have to play guitar. The mere presence of a guitar in your room will increase your attractiveness by anywhere from 10-12%. Seriously, it's scientifically proven.
8. Pictures of your boyfriend or girlfriend. You know, the one that's either still at home or at a different school and that you'll soon be cheating on.
7. Tacky beer memorabilia. College is the only time in your life that it's okay to decorate with beer. Take advantage of it while you can. Put up that flashing neon sign. Use that giant inflatable can as a chair. Forget about some pretty floral border, wouldn't it be cooler to rim your room with "beer bottles of the world"?
6. Plants. No matter how much of a dump your room is, it'll look better with plants in it. When your parents visit they'll think you're healthy and wholesome and they'll slip you a $50 when they leave.
5. An item of clothing from a different college, so you can be "alternative".
4. This one's for the girls: throw pillows. Love of throw pillows is really what divides the sexes. In your dorm room, not only will you lounge around on your cozy pillows, they'll also provide a soft landing for that inevitable moment when your loft proves unsexworthy.
3. Music that was popular approximately 15 years ago. I have no idea why freshman listen to dated music, but they do. In my time, the omnipresent CDs were Bob Marley's "Legend" and Jimmy Buffett's "Songs You Know By Heart". So, my prediction is that today's freshmen might want to bone up on their hair metal bands like GnR, Poison, Whitesnake & Bon Jovi.
2. A fake ID in inverse proportion to your attractiveness. The cuter you are, the worse your ID can be.
And the number one thing to bring to college...
1. Earplugs-so you can more easily pretend to be sleeping when your roommate's hooking up
Posted by at August 8, 2005 02:46 PM
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|# August 8th, 2005 6:53 PM TheUnabrewer|
|I think Bob Marley is still high on the list. Everyone needs to prove how different they are...by all listening to the same thing. |
|# August 8th, 2005 8:59 PM Daddy|
|1a) Catheter and bottle so you can relieve yourself without interrupting your roommate. (Girls, add a funnel). |
|# August 9th, 2005 1:26 PM Laura|
|Kris, Daddy, you're kidding right?? If somebody wants to get laid, they'd better arrange to do it somewhere else (private). That or invite the roommate to participate. Anything else is just freaking RUDE.
|# August 9th, 2005 2:28 PM kris|
There isn't anywhere private in a college dorm. Of course it's rude, but that's just the way it goes. Kids gotta learn how to deal with it.
|# August 9th, 2005 4:32 PM Laura|
|In all seriousness, you mean that kids today don't either ask their roommate to take a walk or go study in the library or whatever, or else get a motel room? Unless your roommate is a real ass, they'll clear out for a couple of hours - well anyway it used to be that way.
And if the roomie is a jerk, I thought kids today typically have more money than 15 or 20 years ago; certainly they seem to have more "luxury" items like the daily Starbucks, constant inflow of mp3s (if they don't steal them), eating out more often instead of using meal tickets in the cafeteria, etc. So unless they're just kinky enough to enjoy an audience, what's the deal?
|# August 9th, 2005 4:34 PM Laura|
|(And yes, I realize I'm old now, even to be asking the questions. I'll be 37 this month.) |
|# August 9th, 2005 4:45 PM kris|
|it's not like they're planning it. they're at a party and they bring someone home with them. the roomie is probably already asleep. otherwise, of course, you'd ask your roommate to leave or they'd get the hint. |
|# August 9th, 2005 5:46 PM Laura|
|It's official... I'm old. We thought we were pretty exotic to skinny dip. Sex in the same room with someone who could potentially view it wasn't even an option. We'd just remain frustrated until an opportunity presented itself.
Although I have to say, as the mother of a teenage daughter, I think it was better back then in the 80s.
|# August 9th, 2005 7:23 PM kris|
|keep in mind that "hooking up" doesn't necessarily mean sex |
|# August 9th, 2005 9:54 PM Laura|
|Oh, I thought it did; I only knew about definition #1. |