September 18, 2005

For ongoing Emmy coverage, be sure to visit our TV site, Zebrality.

Ellen DeGeneres hosts the show tonight. I can't spell her last name well, so I'm going to refer to her as "Ellen".

The show kicks off with John Travolta recounting how he fell in love with the woman who played his mother on "The Boy in the Bubble". That's sweet. I had heard about that and it made me like Travolta despite all of his Scientology nonsense.

Various stars talk about their "Emmy moment". Billy Crystal lightens the self important mood by showing how he uses his Emmy as a hood ornament. Heh.

The Black-Eyed Peas & Earth, Wind & Fire play "Dancing in September" with some TV-worthy lyrics. It's awfully cheesy and goes on for far, far, far too long. When it's finally over we get Ellen. She's dressed in smart all-black suit and, I have to say, she has really cute hair.

Rather than yellow wristbands or red ribbons the new symbol of charitable choice among the Hollywood set is a magnolia for Hurricane Katrina victims. Did you know that Ellen also hosted the Emmys after 9/11? God, she's like George HW Bush and Bill Clinton...always there just a step after disaster strikes.

The Desperate Housewives kick off the evening. All five are in fabulous evening gowns. Nicolette Sheridan looks like she was rode hard and put away wet. Eva Longoria and Marcia Cross look far and away the best. Anyway, the gals are here to present the award for best supporting actor in a comedy. I'm rooting for Jeffrey Tambor. But, the winner, for the umpteeth time is Brad Garrett for Everybody Loves Raymond. I don't know if everybody loves Raymond, but I know that my Mom sure does. Heh. Garrett gets off the biggest laugh of the night by thanking "Britney and our baby".

A timeout to discuss "Emmy Idol": During tonight's broadcast, TV stars will team up with some singers to perform classic TV songs. For example, William Shatner is going to sing the "Star Trek" theme with some famous opera star. Fans can then go vote on CBS' website for the winner. I'm not going to miss Shatner. I'm no fool.

One thing I like about this show so far is that it's not taking itself too seriously. It's just an awards show. Fools. Next award: supporting actor in a drama series. I'm rooting for William Shatner just because I love Denny Crane. And yes! Shatner does it.

Donald Trump and Megan Mullally from Will & Grace kick off Emmy Idol with a rendition of Green Acres. I'm not kidding. Trump is wearing overalls! And a straw hat! And he's carrying a pitchfork! And he can't sing! It's awesomely bad. Wow. I'm not sure that can be topped.

Next award is for outstanding performance in a music or variety show. ABW: Anyone but Whoopi. And the winner is...Hugh Jackman. Mmm, he's a handsome devil, isn't he?

Now, the biggest award of the night...best reality series. Of course, the stupid Blue Man Group is presenting it. I hate these freaks. If the Amazing Race doesn't win again I sure hope that Project Runway does. Yay! The Amazing Race wins for the 3rd time in a row!!! Hey, it's Phil! Hi Phil. See you in a couple of weeks.

Speaking of handsome devils, Zach Braff from Scrubs hits the stage. He's with the dude from House to present the award from best supporting actress in a drama series. Oh god, I certainly hope Tyne Daly doesn't win. Blythe Danner wins. Isn't she Gwenyth Paltrow's mom? It'd be a nice dig at her daughter if she too, like Braff, would attempt to speak in a British accent. Nope, instead she uses her time on the stage to call for our troops to leave Iraq. Shut up. No one cares what you think about foreign policy.

With that, I'll begin the tally of award winners and/or presenters who play politics on the stage. So far it's just Danner.

Jason Lee (and, btw, My Name is Earl looks great) and Debra Messing present the Emmy for outstanding supporting actor in a miniseries or movie. I haven't seen any of these. Paul Newman wins. I bet they just nominated him so he'd show up. But, the jokes on them since he didn't show up anyway.

Ugh. It's time for CBS to pimp their new shows so we must endure Jennifer Love Hewitt. The woman women love to hate is here to present the award for best supporting actress in a movie or miniseries. Once again, haven't seen these. The winner is Jane Alexander. Apparently she specializes in playing Roosevelts. Who knew?

More pimping...Doogie Howser and some other woman introduce the next Emmy Idol contestant: Kristen Bell who will sing "Fame". She reminds me way too much of Debbie Gibson.

Chris O'Donnell (hey, where's your brother Charlie) and some chick in the OC announce a bunch of award given out earlier. If they're not important enough to be on the regular show, they're not important enough for me to recap. The award winners, whoever they were, "get" to give out an award for directing a musical or variety show. God, does anyone actually care about this? If you do, you'll be glad to know that the winner is the guy who directed NBC's coverage of the Summer Olympics Opening Ceremony.

For writing in the same category, the winner is the team from the Daily Show. Good for them. Maybe I'll be able to add to my political tally. Nope. Jon Stewart showed some admirable restraint.

Remember, check out Zebrality for continuing coverage of the rest of the show.

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Posted by at September 18, 2005 07:58 PM

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