February 22, 2006

Wednesday is Guy's Night on American Idol. The top 12 will sing, we'll vote and then tomorrow two will be gone. In the words of Project Runway's Santino Rice, "Let's get it on!"

Patrick: starts the show off singing Melissa Etheridge's "Come To My Window". Normally, when I hear a Melissa song, I change the station. Tonight I'll suck it up for all of you. Luckily for me, Patrick's take on this song is a little more melodic than the screechy, shouty original. Praise the lord. Patrick strikes me as someone with the potential to be the next king of wuss rock. He's like a young John Waite or Richard Marx. The judges desperately want Patrick to get back in his ballad box, but I liked this. I give it a 6.

David: the crooner from Illinois sings "Crazy Little Thing Called Love". He's so fun. I'm really enjoying this performance. Randy, however, hates him and thinks the performance is a joke. Paula and the rather disgustingly named "Kitty Pound", on the other hand, love him. So do I. I don't think it was a joke, I think he was trying to show the audience a good time. If he must get more serious, then I'd like to hear him try some early Hank Williams or Johnny Cash. I'm giving David an 8.

Bucky: steps up to sing "Simple Man" by Lynyrd Skynyrd. If the southern rock wasn't enough to remind us of Bo Bice, everything else about Bucky is. Except that Bucky mistakes growling through a song as singing with passion. Plus, he's so not sexy. He's a gross poseur. The judges like him and seem to think he's some kind of authentic rocker. The judges are off their rockers. I hated Bucky tonight and he gets a 1 from me.

My darling Will is the next to hit the stage singing "I Want You Back" by the Jackson 5. This is a bad song choice. Will is so a Brady Bunch cast member trying to sing real music, at least tonight. Simon is right, this is completely average. I think he can do much better. Sadly, tonight Will gets a 4.

Sway will sing "Reasons" by Earth, Wind & Fire. Hmmm, that's kind of interesting as are Sway's pimpy white pants, velvet jacket and white hat. Call me crazy, but I kind of like his falsetto and his white dress shoes. This is cracking me up, in a good way. He showed lots of range, but Simon doesn't like him and thinks he was pimpy. He definitely was pimpy, but in this case it's not a bad thing. I give Sway a 7.

Chris sings Bon Jovi's "Wanted Dead or Alive". Woo! I was just thinking earlier today that 80s hair metal is primed to make a comeback. Anyway, the first thing I notice about this performance is the cheesy flaming screen saver background. Nice! Anyway, I love Chris. He's got a great voice and adorable sparkly eyes. I think he sings with passion. Paula & Randy love him and while Simon thinks he's really good, he doesn't think Chris has charisma. I completely disagree. I think Chris has a little something that women like, but other guys don't get. I give him a 9. Katharine's song last night was the only better performance so far.

The tender young Kevin has the unenviable task of following Chris. He'll sing "One Last Cry" by Brian McKnight. Ouch, this is terrible. The nerd lovers of America are going to have to work the phones overtime to keep Kevin from getting the boot tomorrow night. There's no life and no melody to this performance. Randy loves him. Huh? Are the judges deaf? Kevin might be a sweetie pie, but he's a sweetie pie with a very average voice. Luckily, Simon isn't afraid to crush his dreams. Sometimes I just love Simon. Kevin gets a 2.

Gedeon is going to sing "Shout". I like this song but it's kind of an easy choice, don't you think? This might be the first time I've heard this song outside of a wedding reception. Excuse me while I dance around the living room. Okay, that was really fun. It wasn't exceptional, but it was fun. A 7.

Random thought from the commercial break. You know that Coke commercial with the roller skaters? Does anyone else really hate the long denim shorts the main girl is wearing? They're hideous. Why not just put her in jams? She's a cute girl with a cute top and then they make her wear those nasty shorts. I just don't get it.

After Gedeon's song choice, is it too much to hope that Elliott will sing the Hokey Pokey? Heh, Elliott rips on the Brittenum twins in his intro reel. Awesome! I can't get enough of ripping on those damn twins. No Hokey Pokey, instead Elliott will sing "If You Really Love Me" by Stevie Wonder. I hate to sound like Paula, but Elliott is making this song his own. He's kind of a throwback to non-sensitive 70s singers, like the lead singer of Looking Glass ("Brandy"). Paula says he's effortless and I agree. Simon thinks he's potentially the best male vocalist the show has ever had. I think that's a bit much, but he was good tonight. An 8.

Bobby (who?) will sing "Copacabana". Oh dear, how can this not be too karaoke? This song defines karaoke. Bobby brings the fun, but this really is just a joke performance. I mean, he's not as bad as Bucky, but he sure ain't good. I give Bobby a 3.

Ace hits the stage with a rendition of "Father Figure" by George Michael. Shockingly, Ace sounds almost exactly like George Michael. We make fun of George Michael now, but the truth is that the guy could sing. And so can Ace. Damn, he's really good and he's managed to pick the perfect song. The judges think he's a star. I think he gets a 9 tonight.

Finally (thank God), Taylor closes the show with "Levon" by Elton John. I'm underwhelmed. I appreciate that Taylor is different, but this song doesn't do anything to highlight his vocal abilities. I think the judges kind of agree with me, but they know that there's no way Taylor is going home tomorrow. He gets a 6 from me.

My rankings:

1. Chris
2. Ace
3. Elliott
4. David
5. Sway
6. Gedeon
7. Taylor
8. Patrick
9. Will
10. Bobby
11. Kevin
12. Bucky

For the most part, the guys were way better than the girls. They could eliminate about 7 of the girls tomorrow and I wouldn't care. On the other hand, I'd be willing to give almost all of the guys another week. That said, I predict that Bucky & Bobby will be given the boot tomorrow night.

Read more of our American Idol coverage.

Posted by at February 22, 2006 08:53 PM

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