Tonight, better known as "Bucky Covington Memorial Hour", kicks off with a little Gedeon. In his intro, we learn that Gedeon's a painter. You know, I can totally see Gedeon painting "happy little trees". Instead of trees, Gedeon paints records. While he's explaining his art, all I can concentrate on is the way he over enunciates every single word. When he sings "When a Man Loves a Woman", he does the same thing. He's so busy being a perfect enunciator that he forgets to sing with soul. He isn't terrible, but it's kind of boring. A 6.

My boy Chris reveals that he was once the victim of a bad dye job. He looks much better as a baldie. Anyway, tonight we see the softer side of Chris as he sings some metal ballad I don't know. There's a lot of Eddie Vedder-vibrato going on, but it doesn't matter because Chris has that rare talent to make us feel the meaning of whatever he's singing. Randy and Paula seem almost bored with praising him. But Simon, as usual, gives some useful criticism. He's right when he says that Chris needs to lighten up a little bit, at least some of the time. At the end of the day, we're watching a talent show and we want to have fun. Chris has to be careful to not turn into the downer of the night. That said, I still love him. A solid gold 8.

Kevin follows Chris with a horrid rendition of "Vincent". Oh god, someone make him stop. Now! He too over enunciates. Is this the new trend? Anyway, he stinks and Simon is the only one who'll be honest with him about it. He doesn't belong in the finals. A 2.

As we return from the break, Taylor talks about how jacked up he was to meet Kristopher Kross. That's cool. I'd be excited to meet Kris Kross. Either Daddy Mack or Mack Daddy. It doesn't matter.

Oh god, Bucky has an identical twin brother named Rocky (I'm not kidding). There are two of them. NOOOOOO! Anyway Bucky's singing some boring country song. I have nothing against country music, but I do have something against boring music. Yawn. Bucky's voice is all harsh and strained. He's terrible, but he's still better than Kevin, so I have to give him a 3. The judges seem to like him way more than I do. Except Simon, who basically tells him he's going home. I love Simon.

Dear little Will is going to sing some James Taylor. Aw man, if these kids are going to sing stuff by sensitive seventies singer songwriters, why can't they pick someone like Jim Croce or Gordon Lightfoot? Will sings "How Sweet It Is To Be Loved By You". Will is going to be revealed to be Donny Osmond's secret love child, isn't he? That said, it was a pretty good performance. Randy and Simon hated it, but Paula loved him. I think it deserves a 6.

Taylor dresses in a bunny rabbit costume in his intro. Okay, what's up Doc? He sings "Taking It To The Streets" and I think his voice sounds weak and reedy, but there's still some kind of energy in the song. Maybe he's sick and he's fighting through it. The audience seems to really love it so it's possible that Taylor just sounds better live. I dunno. I thought he was okay, but not fantastic. The judges gush over it, but to me it's just another 6.

Get out your lighters! Elliott hits the stage to sing Bryan Adam's "Heaven". Oh dear, this is the worst Elliot has ever sounded. I think he wanted to sing a song people are more familiar with, but this wasn't a good choice. He sounds off key or something. Heh. Randy & Paula completely disagree with me. Simon doesn't like the song choice. Yay, Simon! Elliott takes the criticism gracefully. He's a good guy, but tonight he's just a 5. Sorry. Vote for Elliott, he deserves another chance.

Ace closes the show with some Michael Jackson. I don't know this song, but Ace is really doing a bang up job singing it in his falsetto. If Kevin is a secret Osmond, is it possible that Ace is a lost Gibb brother? The song is about someone giving him butterflies inside (please don't think about that in terms of who (or what) might give Michael Jackson butterflies), but Ace is kinda giving me some butterflies with this song. Wow. The best of the night. A 9.

My ranking:

1. Ace
2. Chris
3. Will
4. Taylor
5. Gedeon
6. Elliott
7. Bucky
8. Kevin. Note, after seeing Kevin's performance again at the end of the show, I'd like to change my grade to a 1. Ugh.

I hope like hell that Bucky and Kevin leave tomorrow, but I'm a little afraid that Elliott might be gone.