Tonight the final six will tackle some of the greatest love songs of all time. Andrea Bocelli and David Foster will attempt to coach the Idols so they won't suck so much. Good luck with that.

First we meet Andrea Bocelli. He's from Tuscany. It's a beautiful place, but don't even think about trying to get a place there. Bocelli seems like a cool guy and good singer, although the only thing I know about opera is that Turandot is a little bitch.

First up is Katharine. Now, just let me get this out. Katharine is a beautiful woman, but the Idol stylists have no idea how to dress her. They've got her in a yellow dress that instead of hugging her curves, pinches them unattractively in some places and skims over them in others. It's a mess. Luckily, Katharine does a much better job of singing Whitney Houston's "I Have Nothing". I don't like this type of music at all, but what I like about this performance is that Kat is able to capture the song's passion.

The men in the audience no doubt enjoy Kat's near wardrobe malfunction as the buttons on the bottom of her dress bust out at the end of the song. The judges don't like her tonight. Simon says that singing a Whitney Houston song is like saying you're better than Whitney. What bunk. So what, the Idols are only supposed to sing songs by crappy singers? I feel like Katharine is being thrown under the bus here. It wasn't her best, but it's not as bad as the judges say. It's a 5.

The ever-charming Elliott hits the stage to sing "A Song For You" by Donny Hathaway. We know it's by Donny Hathaway because Ryan, Elliott, Andrea Bocelli and David Foster repeat the name Donny Hathaway about 100 times. I wouldn't be at all surprised to learn that 19E owns the Donny Hathaway catalog.

Anyway, I don't know why Elliott insists on singing these ultra-affected songs. Early rumors had him singing Elvis Costello's "Alison" tonight. That would have been, for lack of a better word, dreamy. This is just kind of boring. The song has all these vocal twists and turns and maybe that's fun for the singer, but it just makes it hard for to get into it. The judges, on the other hand, frickin' love him. Paula is literally sobbing at the end. The hell? I just give it a 5, although I have to say that I find Elliott more attractive every week. What's wrong with me?

Pickler sings "Unchained Melody" and David Foster gives a hilarious stink face when he first hears her sing. Bwah! Sadly, this isn't the last stink face of Kellie's night. She carves up another song, messing up the timing and showing off the fact that she has absolutely no range. The judges are merciless. Have they come to their senses about Pickler, or are they trying to motivate her rabid fan base? This was a truly awful performance. I give it a .5. That's right-point.

Darling Paris has decided to sing "The Way We Were". She thinks she's too young to sing a real love song. But she's not too young to sing Babs? How does that make any sense. As always, I get chills when Paris sings. Her voices never fails to touch me. But, even so, I can't say this is a good performance. It's just boring. I think Paris is great, but she's great for single moments or in very specific songs. This isn't one of them. Another 5 on what is turning out to be a very mediocre night.

It takes a brave man to wear a black velvet suit. It takes an even braver man to wear a black velvet suit when he has gobs of gray hair. Taylor is a brave man. He sings "Just Once" and wussifies it beyond belief. Hey, instead of "wussify", can I just say "Aceify" from now on? Seriously, Taylor turned into Ace tonight. He's all wobbly and wussy and oh so not fun. The judges agree. I've said it once and I'll say it again. When Taylor has fun, we have fun. We he doesn't, well, you can guess the rest. Tonight Taylor just gets a 4.

Ending the evening is the very dapper Chris. David Foster thinks Chris sings more with his throat than with his chest and so he makes him sing laying down. Wouldn't it have been funny if Chris started his performance that way? Alas, instead he stands between two guitar players and sings a very good version of Bryan Adams' "Have You Really Ever Loved A Woman". Chris tones down the vibrato but doesn't abandon his rocker roots. He sings beautifully, but he's able to convey the power and strength behind the quiet love song. It's the performance of the night, easily. Chris gets an 8.

My rankings:
1. Chris
2. Katharine
3. Elliott
4. Paris
5. Taylor
6. Pickler

I predict that Elliott, Katharine and Paris will make the bottom 3, with Paris going home tomorrow