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  • How to Attend an Elite University and Not Turn into a Raging Liberal

       August 07, 2006

    All around the country, parents are getting ready to ship their sons and daughters off to college. While they undoubtedly hope they've instilled their offspring with at least some of their values, they're also afraid that wacky, moonbat instructors like the University of Wisconsin's own Kevin Barrett will turn their precious kids into Communists.

    It doesn't have to go down like that. James, BV and I are all graduates of the famously liberal University of Wisconsin. And look at us today! We're not long-haired (well, one of us isn't), vegan, hemp-using members of the Democratic Underground. We made it through Madison and emerged as Reagan Conservatives. With my help, your kids can to. And, your kids can also help themselves. Future college students: use this guide to avoid being indoctrinated. So, without further ado, here are

    Ten Easy Ways To Make Sure Your Child Doesn't Turn Into A College Liberal

    1. Give them a subscription to your hometown paper. Oh sure, the mainstream media is liberal as hell, but they're nowhere near as ideologically pure as the typical campus newspaper. You don't want your child's major news source to be edited by an individual just slightly to the left of Fidel Castro, do you?

    2. Take ILS classes or your University's equivalent. It may sound counter-intuitive to urge students to take classes in Integrated Liberal Studies, but at UW, these classes are basically a crash course in the history of Western thought and science. With a few of these classes under their belt, students will have a knowledge of the important contributions of the West and can refute those moonbats who would like to paint history as a series of exploitations.

    3. Get football tickets. This is a fun one. I maintain that raging liberalism and football do not mix. You can't be Mr. Sensitive Ponytail America-Hater and a football fan. Football is too violent/testosterone-fueled/American for raging liberals. If your kid has football tickets, you can rest assured that they're spending at least one day a week with a normal crowd.

    4. Join clubs based on interests, not ideology. Everyone urges college students to "get involved". But getting involved doesn't necessarily mean protesting the latest perceived injustice in the world (although, if that's your thing, go ahead, you may already be a lost cause). There are lots of interest groups on campus. Wisconsin has the Hoofers sailing and mountaineering clubs, for example. I'm sure other schools have something similar. Student government and protests get all the hype, but there are lots of ways to meet people at school that don't involve holding up signs.

    5. Avoid classic rock. For whatever reason, freshmen listen to lots of classic rock music. Classic rock is nothing if not the soundtrack of the "turbulent 60s". If violent video games can turn kids into homicidal maniacs, then it stands to reason that classic rock can turn them into hippies. Caveat emptor.

    6. Go to parties. Kids that go out and have fun with their new friends are far less likely to turn into raving moonbats than kids who stay in their dorm room "studying" every Friday and Saturday night. Those kids are going to turn bitter. They're going to be mad that other people are having more fun than they are. They're going to want to stop people from having fun. And now they're liberals. It's that easy.

    7. Beware of Brad Pitt Syndrome. We've all been there. You meet someone new. They're amazing. You're captivated by their every word. Before you know it, their interests are your interests. A liberal hottie can lead your son or daughter astray just as easily as a liberal professor. Rather than turn them into Romeo & Juliet, just remind your kids not to lose themselves, and, when they inevitably break up, let them know that it's okay to renounce all that nonsense they were spouting during the relationship.

    8. Rock the boat. Encourage your kids to challenge their professors. Accept their excuse that they received a bad grade on a paper because the professor disagreed with their politics. Remember that it's more important to learn to think than to learn to parrot back some moonbat's crazy theory.

    9. Pick a major with a future. I'm convinced that the world's most liberal people are underemployed philosophy majors. They think they should make lots of money because they're smart, not because there's a demand for their services. Don't let your kids turn into these people. Encourage them to choose majors that will someday make them employable. This doesn't mean that everyone needs to be a business or engineering major, but it does mean that if your kids choose to pursue a liberal arts degree, they should take steps (jobs, internships, etc.) that set them apart and will give them a leg up in the real world.

    10. Get a job. If your kid has a job in college, not only will they have some extra cash, they'll also be avoiding any creeping cases of moonbatism. Kids with jobs have real world experiences to draw on. Unlike their professors, they have a life outside of the Ivory Tower. That puts them one step ahead of academic ideologues.

    So there you have it. Keep this list handy and you'll be well on your way to producing another productive member of the evil Right Wing Conspiracy.


    Posted by at August 7, 2006 06:43 PM

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    Comments

    #  August 17th, 2006 12:30 AM      aviper2k7
    Football: is there anything it can't do?  
     
    #  October 23rd, 2006 11:14 AM      mbrlr
    Well, now I know exactly what to expose my children to.  
     

     

     


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