February 20, 2007

Another season has begun and the men were up first on Tuesday night. After a lovely montage (you gotta have a montage) Ryan Shecrest introduced the crew in his Men’sWearhouseForeverHollister finery.

Song choice, you say. Isn’t that a myth perpetrated by Simon, Randy “Keeping it real, Dog” Jackson and Paula, and sometimes Clive Davis, the super-corpse? No. Picking the wrong song can mean the death of an Idol. And sometimes, no matter how much swagger in Mick Jagger, junk in the trunk or face in the case, a song will leave you hanging on for Idol life. So, I’ve come up with my Idol Song Choice Commandments:

1. Thou shalt not sing a song from a commercial.

2. Thou shalt not sing a song written for a group, or with excessive harmonies (Supremes, Bee Gees, Beach Boys, Wings, Destiny’s Child, etc.). A person can only hit so many notes, and sometimes they try to sing them all and it’s bad news.

3. Thou shalt not sing a ballad that is not currently in the Top 40 or on a Monsters of Rock power ballad album somewhere.

I’ll add to the ISCC as offenders pop up throughout the competition. And now folks, on with the show. In honor of the general shallowness of the music industry, I’ll freely comment on everyone’s looks. Fun!

Rudy Cardenas – He looks a bit weird. While he can hit the high notes, his tone leaves a bit to be desired and his dancing was a little embarrassing to watch. He is also the night’s first song-choice victim.

Brandon Rogers – Disappointing hair and vocals. I think he should have waited a few weeks to do Michael. A warm-up of Chris Brown or Usher would have been fantastic, or maybe even Timberlake. I think it’ll be good enough to stay, but he better bring it next week, and get his hair did.

Sundance Head – I hate him as much as I hated Buckteeth Covington. I don’t like the look of his face and his beard. And he could seriously use a chest wax. As his song begins I can’t help but exclaim, “Is this fucking ‘Nights in White Satin’?” loudly to my fiancé. Indeed it is. On a good note, he has a decent tone, nice, not too over-the-top vibrato, but still, “Nights in White Satin.” I’ll give him two or three weeks max, especially if he keeps picking songs his Mom got laid to.

Paul Kim – Yes! Ethnic, sexy, and he’s pulling the old earthy artist thing with a barefoot performance. And it’s a Wham! Song. I love Wham! Women across America also love Wham! Great vocals, a little rough on the high notes (because the song was performed by a duo), but he’s got soul and great hair. I think the judges will bash him like a piñata if he doesn’t go up-tempo next week. Ladies, let’s hope he does. I think I’ve picked a pony.

Chris Richardson – Cute. He needs a dermatologist, a shave and a nice lady to tie his tie. Hmmmmmm… his song was OK. He’s like a poor woman’s JT. He did a fairly good job with the song and stayed in key. I’ll keep an eye on him.

Nick Pedro – The betrothed had one word for him – Tosser. A severe victim of East Coast manscaping and bad posture, I think he’ll go quickly. He’s bad. Don’t “Vote for Pedro.”

Blake Lewis – He’s the beatboxer with a heart. I like his hair and face, and he seems nice. He chose the Keane song “Somewhere Only We Know,” showing he’s not just a one-trick pony. Nice tone, he’s not trying too hard and he’s making sexy time with the camera. I think he’ll go far.

Sanjaya Malakar – He reminds me of an Indian Leif Garrett. So cute! He started off rocky with a song that goes on for 12 bars or so before it becomes familiar, and I still can’t place it. Turns out, it’s Stevie Wonder. The ISCC are gonna put a hurting on him tonight. I think he may go this week unless somebody really messes up.

Chris Sligh – He must cut his hair in order to downplay the Hobbit factor he has going. Nice voice. Creepy song choice. And his movements remind me of those Christian Rock CD commercials. But, he may have a hook. One year it’s country, one year it’s gray hair, one year it’s not reading good. This could be the year of Jesus. At the very least, this guy has some serious G-Aiken potential.

Jared Cotter – I was so right about Mr. Cotter. He’s tall, dark and handsome. Brian McKnight was a nice, safe song choice, and he hit the high notes well. He had a nice tone, stayed in key and projected a confident, masculine image. I’m looking forward to seeing him in the coming weeks.

A.J. Tabaldo – He’s go the John Waters ‘stache. What is it about kids these days and their resistance to a razor. Other than that he looks approachable, and sounds about the same. But his dancing was a bit flowery and 45 seconds in, I still don’t know what the hell he’s singing. Wait, is it Luther? What the hell is a 23-year-old doing singing an abbreviated Luther song? Not impressive. And sugary A.J.s don’t have a good history of luck on Idol.

Phil Stacey – Hello, sailor. I think he’s aping the Daughtry look a bit, and is best served when he’s covering that large, bald head of his. And he looks like he may have a terminal illness. The song started off really rough. But, then he breaks into the power chorus, and hits every note after that. But his ears are all I can focus on. Randy ended up giving him the best vocal performance of the night. I wouldn’t go that far, but would say with the help of some hats, he could last six weeks or so.

One night down, many nights to go. I’ll give the vocal performance award to Chris Sligh even though his song was awful. Of the men, the guy I want to win is Paul Kim, but the guys I think can win are Blake and Jared. Until next time, PMW.

Posted by at February 20, 2007 11:14 PM

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