Vital Idol - Boys Night Out
Another season has begun and the men were up first on Tuesday night. After a lovely montage (you gotta have a montage) Ryan Shecrest introduced the crew in his Men’sWearhouseForeverHollister finery.
Song choice, you say. Isn’t that a myth perpetrated by Simon, Randy “Keeping it real, Dog” Jackson and Paula, and sometimes Clive Davis, the super-corpse? No. Picking the wrong song can mean the death of an Idol. And sometimes, no matter how much swagger in Mick Jagger, junk in the trunk or face in the case, a song will leave you hanging on for Idol life. So, I’ve come up with my Idol Song Choice Commandments:
1. Thou shalt not sing a song from a commercial.
2. Thou shalt not sing a song written for a group, or with excessive harmonies (Supremes, Bee Gees, Beach Boys, Wings, Destiny’s Child, etc.). A person can only hit so many notes, and sometimes they try to sing them all and it’s bad news.
3. Thou shalt not sing a ballad that is not currently in the Top 40 or on a Monsters of Rock power ballad album somewhere.
I’ll add to the ISCC as offenders pop up throughout the competition. And now folks, on with the show. In honor of the general shallowness of the music industry, I’ll freely comment on everyone’s looks. Fun!
Rudy Cardenas – He looks a bit weird. While he can hit the high notes, his tone leaves a bit to be desired and his dancing was a little embarrassing to watch. He is also the night’s first song-choice victim.
Brandon Rogers – Disappointing hair and vocals. I think he should have waited a few weeks to do Michael. A warm-up of Chris Brown or Usher would have been fantastic, or maybe even Timberlake. I think it’ll be good enough to stay, but he better bring it next week, and get his hair did.
Sundance Head – I hate him as much as I hated Buckteeth Covington. I don’t like the look of his face and his beard. And he could seriously use a chest wax. As his song begins I can’t help but exclaim, “Is this fucking ‘Nights in White Satin’?” loudly to my fiancé. Indeed it is. On a good note, he has a decent tone, nice, not too over-the-top vibrato, but still, “Nights in White Satin.” I’ll give him two or three weeks max, especially if he keeps picking songs his Mom got laid to.
Paul Kim – Yes! Ethnic, sexy, and he’s pulling the old earthy artist thing with a barefoot performance. And it’s a Wham! Song. I love Wham! Women across America also love Wham! Great vocals, a little rough on the high notes (because the song was performed by a duo), but he’s got soul and great hair. I think the judges will bash him like a piñata if he doesn’t go up-tempo next week. Ladies, let’s hope he does. I think I’ve picked a pony.
Chris Richardson – Cute. He needs a dermatologist, a shave and a nice lady to tie his tie. Hmmmmmm… his song was OK. He’s like a poor woman’s JT. He did a fairly good job with the song and stayed in key. I’ll keep an eye on him.
Nick Pedro – The betrothed had one word for him – Tosser. A severe victim of East Coast manscaping and bad posture, I think he’ll go quickly. He’s bad. Don’t “Vote for Pedro.”
Blake Lewis – He’s the beatboxer with a heart. I like his hair and face, and he seems nice. He chose the Keane song “Somewhere Only We Know,” showing he’s not just a one-trick pony. Nice tone, he’s not trying too hard and he’s making sexy time with the camera. I think he’ll go far.
Sanjaya Malakar – He reminds me of an Indian Leif Garrett. So cute! He started off rocky with a song that goes on for 12 bars or so before it becomes familiar, and I still can’t place it. Turns out, it’s Stevie Wonder. The ISCC are gonna put a hurting on him tonight. I think he may go this week unless somebody really messes up.
Chris Sligh – He must cut his hair in order to downplay the Hobbit factor he has going. Nice voice. Creepy song choice. And his movements remind me of those Christian Rock CD commercials. But, he may have a hook. One year it’s country, one year it’s gray hair, one year it’s not reading good. This could be the year of Jesus. At the very least, this guy has some serious G-Aiken potential.
Jared Cotter – I was so right about Mr. Cotter. He’s tall, dark and handsome. Brian McKnight was a nice, safe song choice, and he hit the high notes well. He had a nice tone, stayed in key and projected a confident, masculine image. I’m looking forward to seeing him in the coming weeks.
A.J. Tabaldo – He’s go the John Waters ‘stache. What is it about kids these days and their resistance to a razor. Other than that he looks approachable, and sounds about the same. But his dancing was a bit flowery and 45 seconds in, I still don’t know what the hell he’s singing. Wait, is it Luther? What the hell is a 23-year-old doing singing an abbreviated Luther song? Not impressive. And sugary A.J.s don’t have a good history of luck on Idol.
Phil Stacey – Hello, sailor. I think he’s aping the Daughtry look a bit, and is best served when he’s covering that large, bald head of his. And he looks like he may have a terminal illness. The song started off really rough. But, then he breaks into the power chorus, and hits every note after that. But his ears are all I can focus on. Randy ended up giving him the best vocal performance of the night. I wouldn’t go that far, but would say with the help of some hats, he could last six weeks or so.
One night down, many nights to go. I’ll give the vocal performance award to Chris Sligh even though his song was awful. Of the men, the guy I want to win is Paul Kim, but the guys I think can win are Blake and Jared. Until next time, PMW.
Posted by at February 20, 2007 11:14 PM
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|# February 21st, 2007 2:25 AM kris|
|I only saw the ending montage because I was out watching the Badger basketball team make a mockery of their #1 ranking :-(
From what I saw it was Blake first and the rest nowhere, although Sligh & Phil were slightly less nowhere than the rest.
I think Brandon Rogers could win too. He's quite cute.
|# February 21st, 2007 3:58 AM kris|
|Nooo! Vote for the Worst picked Sundance and it looks like it's working. Ugh, I don't want to have to see him week after week after week. He's almost as bad as Punkass Savol. |
|# February 21st, 2007 7:40 AM BVBigBro|
|Blake was the best, although I don't particularly like him. Sanjaya actually had good vocals but could not have been more boring. I think sundance has the best voice, but he was awful last night. He sang Nights in White Satin like it was opera, and between that and his looks, all I could think of was Dynamo, the stalker from that Running Man movie. Every time I look at him I will see Dynamo.
All in all the men were terrible. Any one of them other than Blake are very deserving of an early exit.
|# February 21st, 2007 8:11 AM james|
|awesome review princess, i'm still laughing.
here's what i said last night,
that blake lewis kid was the best by far.
and by "paul" i meant "phil." (of course). that's what working 14 hour days will do to ya
|# February 21st, 2007 8:44 AM kris|
|My favorite lines, regarding Sundance:
On a good note, he has a decent tone, nice, not too over-the-top vibrato, but still, “Nights in White Satin.” I’ll give him two or three weeks max, especially if he keeps picking songs his Mom got laid to.
|# February 21st, 2007 6:01 PM themandownthehall|
|Wow, to quote Bart Simpson, last night both sucked and blew at the same time... No one, and I mean NO ONE did anything.
Good grief, had this been in the old Soviet Union, the KGB would have shot Rudy half way through his second line. They would have yelled at the band to "KEEP PLAYING" and then "YOU, GET OUT THERE AND SING AND YOU BETTER DO BETTER". By the time the first 90 second song was done, all the guys would have been shot and the show would have ended with the KGB guys making the audience applaud for the next 1 hour 45 minutes...
I kept hoping that someone would pull a Daughtry like last year. Last year, show #1 stunk until Chris came out and blew everyone away. I do so already miss last seasons guys. Hopefully the girls will do better.
Anyway, here's the play by play by me:
Rudy: For some reason I kept thinking Adam Sandler. Still, for having to kick the whole season off, he did ok.
Brandon: Meh. Not bad, still not that good. Just ok.
Jason: Jason's performance gave me that heartwarming feeling that you get when your finger breaks through the toilet paper. Send him home please.
Paul: Put your shoes on for criminy sakes. Oh, and sing better next time. Yick.
Chris R: Dude, Satan called. He wants his soul torture machine back.
Nick: Meh. At least you remembered the song.
Blake: Best of the night to that point. Was decent. Will get better with time too.
Sanjaya: There's something off about him. Maybe it's the 70's Charlie's Angels haircut. Wish his sister had made it through instead. Heck if they tossed in Becky from last year, his sister should have this year...
Chris Sligh: My personal favorite. Did a great job, *but* one of the unwritten rules is DO NOT ARGUE WITH SIMON. If you go through the past seasons, people who get into a drag out with Simon get voted out within a couple weeks. Jokes have their time and place, this wasn't it.
Jared: Meh. Not bad, not great.
AJ: See Jared.
Phil: At least it's the last one.
I hope the ladies are better tonight. If not, it will be a long season.
Dial Idol has Jared, Paul and Nicholas as the bottom 3 guys. 2 guys go Thursday, I'll be interested to see Dial Idol's record this year. It was pretty good last year.