February 27, 2007

So we’re holed up in snowy Madison. What could be better than good friends, good wine and bad singing? The answer is nothing. That’s why PMW & I joined together in a historic convergence of Idol recappers. Enjoy.

Phil Stacey – John Waite. Um, are you fucking kidding me. Kris likes the shirt, but his ears. Phil, your ears will be the death of you. Nice, even tone, but he sounds like a bitch, and I’m fairly certain most tweens have never heard of this song. And the bring it home note was off. Ick. Kris deems it terrible like John Waite on “Paper Dolls.” Although she still wishes he would have gotten together with Nicolette Sheriden. Le sigh.

Jared Cotter AKA Sexual Chocolate – Cute suit! Bad shoes. Honey, Billy Joel called, he wants his casual singwear back. But you sound fantastic and move like a baler. Kris is bored, but me likey. Great tone, but the end was a bit rough and Kris thinks he pulled a finger-lickin Steven Tyler outro. I think he’s in the top 5 for sure and Paula is gonna bang him before show’s end for sure.

Gay-J Tabaldo – Ick, men who wear sweater vests should be killed. He’s singing about feeling good, but nobody else is. He sucks, sucks, sucks. Unless pre-gay man teens are voting I think he’s out soon. Even my fiancé coined him the “gayest man in the world.”

Sanjaya Garett – Superwack Michael Jackson. If he lasts this week, he really needs to sing something from this decade. Or the 90s. Lacks inspiration and originality, but Kris likes it anyway.

Chris Sligh – This song goes out to his mormon boo. He chooses a Ray Lamontange song, which is a alt-radio hit. He reminds me of Sideshow Bob. Cheap suit, bad shirt, jewelry, hair. Nice voice, but he’s sucking all of the soul out of this song. I think if the Baby Jesus heard this, he would cry.

Nick “Vote for” Pedro – Kris here. Nick dedicates the song to his “girlfriend”. PMW is too distracted by his manscaping to pay attention to the touching love story. Whoa? When did dudes start singing “Fever”? If I wasn’t so distracted by what he’s singing, I’d think that this isn’t that bad. Randy’s right, it’s full of smoky goodness. Simon’s right though, he lacks charisma. There’s something too soap operaish about him. He should be singing at Club Indigo on The Young & The Restless, not on Idol.

Blake Lewis - The big question is whether Blake will beatbox. I think so since he’s singing some Jamiroquai song. Blake’s got moves and he’s beatboxing. (Correction – vocal entendres.) YAY! PMW thinks Blake can win the whole thing if he’d just “butch it up” a little bit. I disagree. I think he can win it just because he’s so damn cool. PMW’s fiancé agrees. But what does Simon think? He doesn’t think much, but I think this is the rare occasion when Simon offers constructive criticism. Of course, Randy, Paula and the crowd don’t know how to deal with this so they act like little brats and try to drown him out. Simon’s obnoxious, but he often speaks the truth.

PMW vows to vote for whoever doesn’t make a number out of their fingers when Ryan plugs their number. Fiance points out that this means she’ll be voting for Sanjaya. Ha!

Brandon Rogers – PMW back. This is a shout out to Gramma! Oh hell no. “Time After Time” is a deceptively difficult song to sing. There is a lot of room for vocal interpretation and err. Think about “True Colors.” Same thing, great, soulful song that people think is an easy out, but Cindi could really hit it in the studio. And if you aren’t Cindi Lauper, you really need to be on with the key and then go a step further and knock it out of the park. And he still needs a haircut.

Chris Richmondson – Another Gramma shouty. Gramma rocks the banana clip. Hmmmm … “Pink Snake Mambo”? I don’t remember what he was singing and he looks like he was attacked by an Old Navy store with an electric razor. And he sounds exactly like JT. Meh. I liked Scott Savol better (editor's note - I believe you mean "Punkass"). Alas, I think unless some naked toilet photos come out, he’ll be around for a while.

Sundance Head - Kris is in the house. So Sundance is married with a kid. I guess there’s hope for everyone. Hey, Sundance’s mom got laid to this song too! Excellent. You know what, I know “Vote for the Worst” is all over Sundance, but this isn’t nearly the worst performance of the night. He’s upbeat, energetic and fun. PMW hates him, but I think he was good. One of the better ones tonight.

PMW’s top three: Jared, Blake & Chris Richardson
Kris’ top three: Blake, Sligh & Timberlake

PMW’s bottom two: Sundance, A.J.
Kris’ bottom two: A.J., Phil

Our boot predictions:

PMW: Sanjaya & Phil
Kris: A.J. & Nick

By the way, the fiancé totally agrees with PMW. They should get married or something. Until tomorrow…

Posted by Princess Midwest at February 27, 2007 08:32 PM

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