PMW back in the saddle, all alone, without my Idol soldier, Kris. Luckily, fiancé has graciously agreed to sit through another show with me. True love! Speaking of true love, Shecrest is starting to dress like he has a serious man-crush on Dick Clark. On with the show:

Gina Glocksen – This song goes out to her boyfriend Joe. And it’s “Alone” by Heart. Which is totally on a Monsters of Rock album somewhere, but also a duet, and she totally sounds like Kelly Clarkson. Powerful chorus, but the harmonies are pretty retched. And she looks a bit like a Mexican hooker, but I still like it, even though she’s kind of bitchy. I think she’ll keep bringing in the votes.

Alaina Alexander – Girl done lost her fricking mind. Natalie Maines is a phenomenal singer, and she is not. Plus she’s broken a key ISCC, song sung by a group. If she’s lucky, boys have it on mute and will vote for her because she’s pretty. The arrangement was also terrible. Bad, bad, bad.

Lakisha – This song goes out to Gramma in FLINT. Lakisha’s looking good tonight. Nice color shirt and good hair. She’s rocking “Midnight Train to Georgia,” but it’s a little boring. She really needs to investigate the top 40 soon. Damn, even the backup singers look bored.

Melinda Doolittle – This song goes out to her vocal coach and her stylist (who should be killed.) Sounds great, but what’s with all the old shit? Has Idol tapped in to the coveted geriatric voter demographic without me knowing? Still, great sexytime with the camera and vocal acrobatics. And she doesn’t make voter number gang signs. Sweet.

Barbarella – Looking cute in a Brady-inspired dress. Oh hell no, bitch thinks she can sing CELINE. I think she’s gone mental. And her mom looks crazy. Wow. Uninspired, boring and out of key. Please send her home.

Jordin – Awwww, she’s so cute. I wish she was better than she is. I think this is an Xtina song. Wow, how sad and depressing and opposite of her personality. Nice bridge, but I still think she’s Grade A high school musical material.

Stephanie Edwards – Interesting evening gown. Bad song choice, any other Beyonce choice would have been better. But it’s from the 00s, sing I’ll give her props. I really hope she sticks around longer than Barbarella and Alaina.

Dogwalker – I really hate her face, style and image. And she’s decided to sing Nina Simone. I’m not sure if the dogs told her that it sounded good, but I think not. She is totally like a tough Chicago girl singing in a bar band, then going to work her shift at the Polish sausage shop (sorry, Kris). And she thinks she can scat. WTF? Fiance thinks she’s missing some chromosomes.

Haley Scarnato – Very pretty, all-American girl. But like many women in the crew, she done lost her mind thinking she could sing a Whitney song. Before all the crack and Bobby Brown, Whitney was a fantastic singer. This girl is not. This is awful, I’m surprised the backup singers made it through this one without laughing.

Sabrina Sloan – This song goes out to her soon-to-be deceased Gramma. I really like this song, her hair and face. Good energy, but she’s just not as good as Whitney. Still, she’s better than Scrubnato.

Top 3 – Melinda, Lakisha, Gina
Bottom 4 – Alaina, Barbarella, Haley, Leslie