Due to technical difficulties my VCR keeps cutting out since I taped this week’s Idol over an old copy of “Vision Quest,” that sweet movie from the 80s about wrestling where Matthew Modine is chasing old taco.

Adding to my distress, I have an aubergine bruise on my knee from biting it on an icy sidewalk today. I can’t wait for the mercury to rise so I may once again cavort around Madison and bask in the Midwestern soleil, tailgate and break out the charcoal grill.

At any rate, my tape may be eaten at any time and go the way of Nixon, so this review may be incomplete.

Blake – Hmmmm… I really loved 311 back in the day, but this is really unimpressive. He looks cute in camel-colored pants and is dancing well, so I think he’s safe.

Sanjaya – He’s discovered the flat iron, how exciting! This is really lame and I hate John Mayer, a true glacier of mediocrity. His tone is a little irritating and he looks a bit constipated. I just hope somebody will neuter him before he starts molesting young boys.

Danceswithsuck – Well, he’s not singing a song his mom got laid too, but he’s no Eddie Vedder. The higher key really does him no favors and takes all of the grit out of the song. This guy is like a roach that won’t go away, someone kill him please.

Chris – OK, nice song choice, but it exposes his weak vocals and lack of vocal chops. Randy and Paula are clearly not lucid tonight, as they give him tall props for a weak rendition of a country song.

Sexual Chocolate – Looking luscious as ever, Jared is back with some Stevie Wonder. Oh no, he sounds like Wayne Brady tonight. But he’s still foxy, there’s no way he’ll get vote out this week.

Brandon – Other than the Members Only jacket and bad hair, he’s looking cute and casual tonight. Nice, up-tempo song and he sounds good with the backup singers. It’s definitely not a showstopper, but I think it’s good enough to keep him around for another week.

Phil Stacey – He finally covered up his Bullwinkle-sized ears for a performance. Good call. Now that we can’t see his ears from space, we can concentrate on his vocals. OK, he still looks creepy and sounds a bit like Jim Carrey’s lady bodybuilder character on “In Living Color.” Bad tone, out of key and all over the place. I think this may be enough to send him packing.

Chris Sligh – Praise Jesus! Amen. Tell it to the mountain. Nice tone for Jesus music.