Vital Idol - Worst Night Yet
Due to technical difficulties my VCR keeps cutting out since I taped this week’s Idol over an old copy of “Vision Quest,” that sweet movie from the 80s about wrestling where Matthew Modine is chasing old taco.
Adding to my distress, I have an aubergine bruise on my knee from biting it on an icy sidewalk today. I can’t wait for the mercury to rise so I may once again cavort around Madison and bask in the Midwestern soleil, tailgate and break out the charcoal grill.
At any rate, my tape may be eaten at any time and go the way of Nixon, so this review may be incomplete.
Blake – Hmmmm… I really loved 311 back in the day, but this is really unimpressive. He looks cute in camel-colored pants and is dancing well, so I think he’s safe.
Sanjaya – He’s discovered the flat iron, how exciting! This is really lame and I hate John Mayer, a true glacier of mediocrity. His tone is a little irritating and he looks a bit constipated. I just hope somebody will neuter him before he starts molesting young boys.
Danceswithsuck – Well, he’s not singing a song his mom got laid too, but he’s no Eddie Vedder. The higher key really does him no favors and takes all of the grit out of the song. This guy is like a roach that won’t go away, someone kill him please.
Chris – OK, nice song choice, but it exposes his weak vocals and lack of vocal chops. Randy and Paula are clearly not lucid tonight, as they give him tall props for a weak rendition of a country song.
Sexual Chocolate – Looking luscious as ever, Jared is back with some Stevie Wonder. Oh no, he sounds like Wayne Brady tonight. But he’s still foxy, there’s no way he’ll get vote out this week.
Brandon – Other than the Members Only jacket and bad hair, he’s looking cute and casual tonight. Nice, up-tempo song and he sounds good with the backup singers. It’s definitely not a showstopper, but I think it’s good enough to keep him around for another week.
Phil Stacey – He finally covered up his Bullwinkle-sized ears for a performance. Good call. Now that we can’t see his ears from space, we can concentrate on his vocals. OK, he still looks creepy and sounds a bit like Jim Carrey’s lady bodybuilder character on “In Living Color.” Bad tone, out of key and all over the place. I think this may be enough to send him packing.
Chris Sligh – Praise Jesus! Amen. Tell it to the mountain. Nice tone for Jesus music.
Posted by at March 6, 2007 10:20 PM
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|# March 6th, 2007 10:30 PM kris|
|I forgot about our homework when I starting reading this and I was wondering why the hell you were talking about cavorting through Madison ;-)
Anyway...I thought Phil was horrible and his hat was hideous. Danceswithsuck (nice nickname) was cringeworthy and beyond awful.
Jared, Blake, Timberfake & Sanjaya (really!) were meh.
Brandon & Sligh were easily the best.
My bottom two: Phil & Danceswithsuck
My boot predictions: Jared & Sanjaya
|# March 7th, 2007 4:12 AM james|
|they all sucked so bad that i may not watch any more idol this year. i'm pretty busy, and the last thing i want to do after getting home at 10pm is to watch some crappy high school talent show.
i predict that brandon & jared will get sent home. that brandon is just freaking creepy, and jared screams love boat cheese ball more and more each week.
|# March 7th, 2007 7:58 PM themandownthehall|
|Hey PMW. Slipping on ice. Sorry you were hurt. Still, I'm jealous. As a former midwesterner stuck in the south, I miss winter.
What is a VCR? I vaguely remember those. I think I had one before TiVo. ;)
Anyway, here's the short:
Sucked, sucked, sucked, ok, ok, ok, blew chunks, best of the night.
Wow, last night was just, well, sucky.
Blake: Sucked. Sorry, I don't like the beat box stuff and if he doesn't get off that shtick, he'll go home soon. Last season, Daughtry's refusal to do anything but rock-out, doomed him. The same will happen to Blake.
Sanjaya: Wow, not nearly as creepy as before. He dropped the Farrah Fawcett haircut. Still sucked, but that creep factor is gone.
Sundance: Never a good sniper around when you need one. Dang he sucks.
Chris R: Best so far, but that's not saying much. At least I wasn't about to toss dinner.
Jared: My wife's shallow vote. Doesn't matter how good or bad, and he wasn't too bad, he's too cute to be voted off. Can you say Ace from last year?
Brandon: So So, could have been in the sucked category, but I'll give him and ok. You're right, he'll be around another week.
Phil: Ok, that was as bad as it gets. First rule is that a guy should not do a song by an extremely hot and talented country girl. Just not a good recipe for winning.
Chris S: Best of the night. I agree. Praise Jesus. Some complain about his Christian rock, but I like it. He'll do just fine when the country week, queen week, elvis week and all come around.
Still as good as Sligh is, there isn't a guy that would have made top 12 last year. Last year's talent dogs this years, with the exception of LaKisha and Melinda.
Good writing PMW. Have a good night.
|# March 7th, 2007 9:44 PM Princess_Midwest|
|Aw, shucks. Your wife has excellent taste. MMMMMMmmmmm...whitebread Jared. |