Vital Idol – Hos from different area codes. This is my homage to Ludacris. An unfortunate fella got my friends and I drunk on whiskey before I played my sad VCR replay. True to my Irish Midwestern roots I am too cheap to buy this Tivo I hear so much about.

Jordin Sparks – I love Pat Benetar, but this is just good bad karaoke. I’m digging the hair and SITC necklace, but still this is pretty lame.

Sabrina – She’s serious tonight, furrowed brow and all, but damn, she tries to tackle a group song. Sounds OK, nice hair, but she is not En Vogue and she just vibes her way through the song and lets the background singers do all the work. Weak.

Barbarella – Still tonedeaf, yet fabulously Degarmoesque. No skills and can’t pay the bills, but the coasties will keep voting for her sorry ass. Nice lip gloss and hooker boots.

Haley Scrubnato – I think this is Faith Hill, anyhoo it sucks and it’s still very high school musical. She also looks a little trashy in the Shakira rip-off top.

Stephanie – Nice dress! But she’s really pulling the Beyonce tone and while most people thing that’s a good thing, I don’t. I’m fairly certain Melinda and Lakisha will eat her for breakfast.

Lakisha – Nice. Beautiful tone, soulful and her dress is flattering. And she’s discoved the flat iron.

Gina – Likes trolls and pickles. She also likes to think she can sing like Amy Lee. Very bizarre fashion choice, but she’s holding up pretty well, even though her tone sucks. I think she needs to sing some KC and get the hero worship over with.

Melinda – Nice dress, song and hair. She has pipes and can really rock any song she decides to sing. I think she is by far the best singer this year.

Bottom Two: Scrubnato, Barbarella
Boot: Scrubato, Jordin