March 13, 2007

Hey folks, sorry about the late evening post, but the PMW had some business with a karaoke dive bar and a few dozen light beers in honor of the late, great lead singer of Boston.

After wooing a crowd of 10 drunks with the likes of Pat Benetar, Lita Ford, No Doubt and Cheap Trick, I’m ready to judge other singers. Fun!

And crazy drunk-driving Diana Ross is coaching the kids tonight. Don’t get me wrong she’s a legend. But much like Beyonce, she’s a legend who was created with a lot of hard work and production. Now on with the ISCC implosion.

Brandon – Bad song choice. Nice tone, be he’ll never measure up to the massive production of the wall of sound. It’s a bit like Eddie Murphy’s 80s song career, and for Christ’s sake, cut your goddamn hair.

Melinda – Perhaps her stylist has heeded my death threats and toned down the crazy dressing. While she still looks so like Jackee from 227, she sounds good, solid and is not embarrassing herself. Very Gladys Knight.

Chris – Sideshow Bob, Jesus called and he wants his vibe back. I hope all of the evangelists out there let their kids stay up late enough to vote for you. Well, not really. If this was Jesus Idol, you would be my pick, but your inability to sing anything popular annoys me.

Gina – “Lovechild!” I love this song, and she sounds OK, but like I said singing a group song is hard. She looks like she’s trimmed down a bit and is really going for it, a la Clarkson. Gosh America, do you want another Clarkson or another MaryJGladysHouston. The end is a bit rough. But overall, she did a very good job at a deceptively hard song.

Sangaya – Holy buckets of mousse, Batman. It’s the gayest man alive and he ain’t afraid to show it. He has, however, picked the best song of the night. It’s easiest and good to sing with or without backing vocals. However, I think the crazy Cher hair is enough to get him booted this week.

Scrubnato – Bitch has some guts picking a song like this. She is TERRIBLE. This is the epitome of really bad karaoke. I’m surprised Ms. Ross didn’t smack the hell out of her during rehearsals. Cute dress though.

Dumbo – I really love this song. And while I can’t get over his ears, I think this may be the least wretched and best adapted song of the night. Yep, I said it, I actually approve of Dumbo tonight.

Lakisha AKA Kiki – Nice tone, good power, but boring. The dress is also really bizarre.

Blake – Holy shit, Blake and Shecrest are twins! He’s modernized “Keep Me Hangin’ On.” What can I say, I’m a sucker for breakdancing. Vocals are a bit weak and by far the weakest Blake showing to date.

Next up, I don’t remember who the hell this is – Fiance thinks the dress is horrible. She sounds pretty good. It’s a bit R&B for this crowd and the long holds aren’t the best. However, I think she’s loads better than most of the crop tonight.

JT2.0 – Nice moves, but it’s very cruise ship. But he looks adorable and sounds pretty good. And it looks like he’s bringing down the house. Please shave next week, honey.

Lovechild – Dinosaur Power Ballads rule! Well, not really. This is boring as hell.

P.S. If I were to do a Supremes/Ross song, “I would do Stop in the Name of Love” or “Someday, We’ll Be Together.”

Dream Boot: Scrubnato
Boot: Sangaya

Posted by at March 13, 2007 11:35 PM

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