April 03, 2007

Madison natives, I hope you like the title. So anyway dawgs, Princess Midwest is off doing "wedding stuff" tonight (and no, she's not a Bridezilla, well she's not as long as you keep her away from sweetheart necklines), so get ready for some retro recapping from yours truly.

Tonight, the final nine, coached by Tony Bennett (no, not that one), will perform American classics. God help us.

Blake kicks off the show with "Mack the Knife" and Tony, in his Colonel Mustard yellow suit, doesn't think Blake gets the meaning. It's just Mack the Knife, old timer. Blakey still has that weak voice, but who cares because he has it. He's having so much fun on stage and it really translates well to the audience. This kind of fun, jazzy song is exactly what he should sing. We're all having a great time. I actually agree with Paula, he's just cool. Go Blake!

Ooooh, Kelly Clarkson is going to perform on the "Idols Give Back" night. Yay! I heart Kelly.

That said, we now go from "Mack the Knife" to Phil the Creep singing "Night And Day". This song does everything to highlight Phil's weaknesses. He has no lower register and really can't do anything well other than belt. When he belts, he sounds good, but when he says words like "making love" I'm just grossed out. The judges think it was too dark. Well no kidding, robots don't know how to love...

Who's "got rhythm"? Melinda. Well, if nothing else Miss Doolittle has perfected the art of reacting to praise with shocked modesty. I don't buy it anymore, sweetie. We've all got egos. Melinda's "Gayles" are still doing her no favors with a hideous dress featuring a belt directly below her boobs. But, I did get a glimpse of her neck tonight. W00t! Oh yeah, so she sang. She's good. But she's good in exactly the same way every week. I'm so over it.

Ask yourself this question, dear readers, aren't all of these performances mere filler before we get to the main act? They're all just spear carriers for King Sanjaya!

Chris is clad in the standard issue Justin Timberlake uniform of funky fedora, vest, jeans and cool kicks. He's here to sing "Don't Get Around Much Anymore". Wow, Chris doesn't have a case of the runs tonight. He's singing the song pretty much straight and he sounds so much better than usual. He's still Chris, so he can't resist a few runs at the end, but it doesn't detract from the performance. I think 'ole Timberfake updated a classic to the point where you could actually hear it on the radio tomorrow. Nice job! Best of the night so far.

My girl Jordin impresses Tony with her take on "On a Clear Day". Tony may have liked it, but I don't. It's too old. Chris just showed how to put a fresh spin on an old chestnut and in comparison Jordin just seems like a kid playing around. She's still got a good voice, but it's not her best. Paula & Randy lap it up, but Simon parrots my criticism. That Simon, he's so darned smart ;-)

Oh man, we're just one short commercial break away from a brand new dose of Sanjaya. I cannot wait!

"Rocker" Gina is going to sing "Smile". Sadly, it's not the Lily Allen song. Gina is dead to me. She winked into the camera. Oh honey, there's no winking allowed when you're singing an inspirational torch song. I suppose the singing was decent and controlled, but the song was so damn boring that I fell asleep. Ho hum.

Sanjaya has the eye of the tiger this week. He's determined to prove that he can actually sing "Cheek to Cheek". But oh good lord, his hair is all slicked back and he looks almost as creepy as Phil. Almost, but not quite. To his credit, Sanjaya roams the audience, pulls Paula out of her chair and spins her around without missing a note. The kid's got something. I don't know what it is, but it's there and it's awesome! I'm totally voting for him. Take that, haters!

When Sanjaya is finally voted off, a little light will go out and the world will be a much sadder place.

Haley hits the stage in a beautiful sparkly, short green halter dress that shows off her rack to its best advantage. Haley's singing "Ain't Misbehaving". At the start, she sounds exactly like Olivia Newton John in "Grease". She handles the song's change of tempo expertly, but it's still like she's in the semi-finals of the Miss Texas pageant ("I want world peace and expanded gun ownership rights."). She's not really a bad singer, but she is in no way, shape or form a pop singer.

It's almost over! LaKisha closes the show with "Stormy Weather". Of course she does. If LaKisha seemed younger last week, she just put on another 40 years tonight. She's all sass and prance and while that's fun once in awhile, that's all she does. Every week. I need to see another side of Miss Jones. Soon!

Tonight's top performer: Chris
Worst: I was going to write Haley, but Phil just sounded awful in the recap.
My predicted boot: Haley, although it could really be anyone other than Melinda, Blake, Chris or Sanjaya.

Posted by kris at April 3, 2007 08:02 PM

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