I got a letter in the mail today from the Republican National Committee. The envelope proclaimed, in big, bold red letters, that this was my "FINAL NOTICE!" to help the party.

Inside I was informed that this was my "Final 2007 Membership Renewal". Just for the record, I've never been a member of the Republican National Committee. I've never given them a dime. How can I renew something I never had in the first place? Like my late father, I know damn well that if I gave the $25 "membership dues" or any "additional emergency donation" they'd just spent it on postage begging me for more money. It's a vicious cycle.

Anyway, this passage from the letter cracked me up:

Over the past six years, we have enacted pro-growth tax cuts and cut wasteful spending. We have created 7.2 million jobs, and defended our nation from terrorist attacks. But now that the Democrats have seized control of Congress, everything we have accomplished is in jeopardy.

We are committed to our conservative reform principles and staying true to our longstanding ideals: limited government, individual freedom, and a strong national defense.

In the last six years Republicans cut wasteful spending? Really? Uh, where?

The Democrats "seized" control of Congress? Did I miss a coup? I know I waste too much time watching "Heroes" and reality TV, but I don't think I'd miss that!

And what's this about limited government, individual freedom and strong national defense? That doesn't sound like the Republican Party I know. If there was really a political party like that now they wouldn't need to send me "final notices". The check would already be in the mail.