November 28, 2007

Stuart Rothenberg's recent article on Ron Paul criticized him, for, among other things, voting against resolutions calling on the government of Vietnam to release political prisoners and on the Arab League to help stop the killing in Darfur. This criticism ticked me off. Those were empty resolutions, full of sound and fury, but signifying nothing. Too often, politicians pass resolutions so they can feel like they're doing something about a problem without actually doing anything about it. They're the governmental equivalent of a New Year's Resolution to exercise more or eat less - unless you step away from the dinner table and on the elliptical machine, it's not going to make any difference. I can't condemn Ron Paul for voting against these resolutions. In fact, I applaud him for recognizing their futility.

But while Paul can be liberal (or is that libertarian? :-) with the "nays", he's right there with the rest of Congress when it comes to voting "yay" on silly resolutions. I guess everyone likes to associate themselves with the likes of the Boise State University Broncos and National Inflammatory Skin Disease Awareness Month. Yes indeed, even the venerable Ron Paul can't get enough of silly little House Resolutions. What's wrong with that, you'd like to know? Well, I was going to say that it takes up valuable time that our Congressmen and women could instead use to help solve real problems. But thinking about it more, maybe that's a good thing. Maybe folks like Ron Paul don't raise a fuss about these votes because they know damn well that, given more time, our government will just screw things up. Hmmm...that's very Reaganesque, don't you think?

In any case, I did a little research and I'm proud to present the Dumb Dozen - The House's Silliest Resolutions (2007 version)

1. House Resolution 16 - Recognizing Virginia's James River as "America's Founding River"

What's does this even mean? Europeans found the James River before they found other rivers? Early settlements were along the James? Isn't this whole resolution a little Eurocentric and un-P.C.?

2. House Resolution 49 - Expressing the sense of the House of Representatives that there should be established a National Letter Carriers Appreciation Day

I suppose this means they'd get the day off, right? I think the fact that postal workers don't work on Columbus Day, Veterans Day or Martin Luther King Day is thanks enough.

3. House Resolution 79 - Recognizing the establishment of Hunters for the Hungry programs across the United States and the contributions of those programs efforts to decrease hunger and help feed those in need

As far as I can tell, this Resolution doesn't establish the program, it just recognizes that other people have and that it's working. Okay then...

4. House Resolution 114 - Expressing support for a National Week of Reflection and Tolerance

I'd support this if we can also have a National Week of Going Off Half Cocked and Giving Him the Business.

5. House Resolution 117 - Honoring the contributions of Barbaro to the Commonwealths of Kentucky and Pennsylvania and to America's horseracing industry

He was a horse!

6. House Resolution 120 - Recognizing the African American spiritual as a national treasure

Does this mean that sexy villain Sean Bean is going to try to steal them?

7. House Resolution 189 - Expressing the sense of the House of Representatives that a "Welcome Home Vietnam Veterans Day" should be established

Baby Boomers are never going to stop talking about Vietnam, are they?

8. House Resolution 197 - Commending Vice President Al Gore on his well-deserved recognition for the Academy Award-winning documentary, "An Inconvenient Truth"

But what about his discovery of Manbearpig?

9. House Resolution 255 - Congratulating the Florida A&M University "Marching 100" Band for all of its accomplishments, including its performance in the Super Bowl XLI halftime show

They probably deserve it just for keeping their breasts under cover.

10. House Resolution 419 - Recognizing May 20-26, 2007, as National Dog Bite Prevention Week and calling upon all municipalities to work with the American Veterinary Medical Association, the United States Postal Service, and the American Academy of Pediatrics to adopt and implement effective dog bite injury prevention programs to protect Postal Service employees, including laws encouraging responsible dog ownership

Well here's Public Enemy #1. But seriously, why all the postal worker-related resolutions? Are they some powerful lobby I was previously unaware of?

11. House Resolution 486 - Supporting the goals and ideals of the National Anthem Project, which has worked to restore America's voice by re-teaching Americans to sing the national anthem

Hopefully they're starting with Roseanne Barr.

12. House Resolution 578 - Expressing the sense of the House of Representatives that there should be established a National Watermelon Month

Screw the watermelon! Bring on National Cantaloupe Week!

And finally, a bonus Resolution that's particularly close to my heart:

13. House Resolution 697 - Commending Green Bay Packers quarterback Brett Favre for establishing a National Football League record for most career touchdown passes, and for other purposes

First, what are these mysterious "other purposes"? Second, you know who doesn't give a damn about Congressional commendations? Gunslingers!

Posted by at November 28, 2007 07:52 PM

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