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  • Happy Festivus

       December 23, 2007

    It's the most wonderful time of the year. Festivus!

    Although Green Bay's City Council won't allow a Festivus Pole at City Hall, we're a much more inclusive community. While, I doubt it will take a Festivus Miracle for the Packers to beat the Bears today, I would like to air some grievances (let's not even get into the Feats of Strength, okay?):

    • First, to the people who insist on blocking traffic to let their passengers out close to doors: unless your passenger is over 70, they should get off their fat asses and walk the 20 or 30 feet themselves. It's one thing to be lazy and quite another thing to inconvenience the rest of us through your laziness, jackholes.
    • Second, to the people of Wisconsin: it's not okay to wear beadazzled jeans and Bluetooths to a wedding. Also, please turn your damn phones off. Funny wedding story from this weekend: the mother of the groom was trying to figure out how to silence her phone. I finally just said "What important person is going to call you during your son's wedding?" She was like, "Oh yeah...". You know what everyone? Sometimes the people you're with should be your priority, not the people who might call you.
    • Third, to Madison liberals: when I ask that the city plow the streets and provide clean water, I'm not a revealing myself as a big government loving hypocrite, I'm merely asking that the city provide the basic services my taxes pay for. So quit it with the "Ah has!" please.
    • Fourth, to Boston sports fans: we're all dreadfully sick of you and are rooting against your teams (well, except for the Celtics, because Kevin Garnett is pretty awesome). Oh, and Tom Brady isn't that hot.
    • Fifth, to HR departments everywhere: call people back when you say you're going to. Not every job seeker is desperate and your inactions are a poor reflection on your company and will eventually result in worse and fewer candidates for important positions. Or so it would happen in my perfect world. :P

    Feel free to add your own grievances in the comments.

    Posted by at December 23, 2007 09:44 AM

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    #  December 23rd, 2007 10:46 AM      themandownthehall
    Oh, boy, here we go.

    1. Hey lady (it's usually a woman, not trying to be mean), don't glare at me from that scooter. If your a$$ wasn't so fat, you could get around us easier. By the way, did it ever occur to your lazy rear, that you are in the position you're in because you refuse to WALK PLACES??? So just shove that glare up your ever widening a$$.

    2. Hey A**hole, there was 4 parking spaces less than 30 feet behind you. Lazy jerk, if you had taken one of them, you could be in the store by now. Did you notice the open space AT YOUR PASSENGER DOOR! Yeah, I know, you're too important to walk, so you'll just wait for that guy to load his 2 full carts into the van while traffic piles up behind you.

    Yes, that #2 was an acutal event I watched while going into a Walmart, as was #3.

    3. Hey, college girl, I don't care that he F**ked that girl and thinks that he can come to your place tonight and then f**k you. And by the way, when I offered to f**k you if you'd stop yelling and cussing in front of all the people in the store, you had no right to be offended. You broadcast your life in the store yelling into your cell at the top of your lungs, you lose your right to privacy.

    4. Hey, Coolio, pull your pants up. It shows no class what so ever. It actually means you're gay and want it. Just check out prison life where that "style" started...

    5. Um, ma'am, did it ever occur to you that the fact that you have a pierced eyebrow, lip and tongue means you're having to serve me pizza at Little Caesars. Just be thankful that they are desparate. No, you don't look cool, just like a loser. BTW, I wanted the 3 meat treat, not cheese. Get it right.

    Well, off to the store. I'll post more after this trip...




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