March 18, 2008

Princess Midwest is getting her tiara polished, so I'm here to recap The Beatles II - Electric Bugaloo.

First up after the endless introduction is Amanda Overmyer singing "Back in the USSR". Her voice sounds all scratchy and she's totally getting lost behind the band. There's a whole lotta shakin' going on, but a whole lot of bad singing too. The crowd loses their sh*t, but I only give it a 3. On related notes, her hair gets a 1 and the outfit gets a 4.

Why didn't Kristy Lee Cook sing "Wildfire" during 70's week? Anyway, this week she's going to sing "You've Got To Hide Your Love Away". This could work as a country song. And yeah, it really could if Kristy didn't tragically kill a note heading into the chorus. Basically, what I'm saying is that maybe Carrie Underwood, or someone else who can actually sing, should try it. Kristy's marks:

Singing: 4
Hair: 7
Wardrobe: 5 - ugly dress but nice boots

Internationally famous Beatles-hater David Archuleta is up next. I'm sick of these kids talking about how they haven't heard any Beatles songs. Just like the cheftestants on Top Chef need to know how to make chicken piccata, singers need to know The Beatles. This week he's singing "The Long and Winding Road". This is a "Paul song", which generally means that it's a good pop song and not an indulgent mess. But here's a thought: 16-year olds shouldn't be singing about "long and winding roads". And, David, in particular, sounds like he shouldn't be singing anywhere outside of a Broadway stage. He's taking a soft and lovely song and turning it into some flashy musical number. HATE it. I give it a 2. Hair gets a 7 and wardrobe gets a 6 as I like his t-shirt.

The judges love him. I question their taste level.

The man from the land down under, Michael Johns sings "A Day in the Life". Hmmm, I don't know how this is going to work, this song isn't about the vocals as much as it is about the music. I love the story about how George Martin had such a hard time working with the orchestra because they were so used to playing together and the song requires that they just do their own thing. Anyway, Michael...his voice really isn't that good, but he gets the song. I actually feel a little passion in this performance. My marks:

Singing: 6
Hair: 6
Wardrobe: 7, because I appreciate a man in black

Brooke White tries "Here Comes The Sun". Ahhh, Brooke...I know some of you hate her, but it's a magical George Harrison song. I don't think she can go wrong here, folks. Brooke herself sounds good, but the arrangement is horrible and the background singers are too loud. The whole thing is just plodding, especially when compared to the lightness of the original. By the end, it's actually just kind of embarassing to watch.

Singing: 5
Hair: 1
Wardrobe: 1 - no one can wear a floaty tiered yellow dress. It's almost as cruel as a green dress.

My god, you guys, we're only five singers into the show. Someone shoot me.

Next up is "Day Tripper" courtesy of David Cook. He's doing the Whitesnake of the classic. It's interesting, but kind of boring. Well boring that is until David pulls out some Peter Frampton-like effects on the voice box and then it's kind of strangly awesome. I give a 7. However, he gets a 1 for his stupid hair and a 2 for wearing a tie with jeans and a leather jacket.

Carly Smithson is singing "Blackbird". Is it too much to wish for someone to sing "Rocky Raccoon"? Carly is a lot like ESPN's Mike Greenberg in that she looks like she's going to swallow the microphone. Technically, this is a nice performance, but it's nothing special, she doesn't take the song anywhere new or exciting. Carly's marks:

Singing: 6
Hair: 5
Wardrobe: 3 - the floral neckline looks good on TV, but why does she insist on wearing all of these ugly sack tops?

Let me just start with Jason Castro's wardrobe grade. He gets a zero for dressing almost exactly like Beverly Hills 90210's Brandon Walsh. Something must be going on, because at the start of the show I thought Ramiele's high-waisted pants were rather Brenda Walshesque. Oh, and today I also caught the tail end of the classic ""Donna Martin Graduates!!" episode of 90210. What does it all mean??

Anyway, Jason's an idiot or a liar when he claims that he thought "ma belle" in his song, "Michelle", was really "my bell". Whatever, Pickler. On to the singing - he's unbelievably cheesy and captures absolutely none of the yearning in the original. I realize that this is an "oldie" to people like Jason, but he needs to understand that the emotions are timeless and it's his job to convey them. He's horrible - it's another 2. Oh, and his hair gets a 4.

Syesha Mercado sings "Yesterday" and turns it into some weird, disjointed torch song held together by a few glory notes. She sings it well, but it's not "Yesterday", it's some random crappy ballad. I'll give it a 4. On the positive side, she gets a 10 for both hair and wardrobe.

Chikezie plays harmonica and sings "I've Just Seen A Face". I don't know this song and it's like a boring country tune until Chikezie busts out the harmonica and it suddenly turns into some kind of fantastic bluegrass thing that's so much fun. It's like Taylor Hicks if Taylor wasn't a huge asshat. Chikezie gets a 9! The hair's a 5 and the shiny jacket earns him an 8 for wardrobe. He's easily the best of the night so far.

Last up is the darling Ramiele Malubay. Ramiele reminds me of a my friend Tina K., so I'll have a hard time saying anything mean about her. She's singing "I Should Have Known Better". Ramiele has a nice, pure voice, but she's struggling in the lower register on this song. It's just a 5. Her hair, as always, gets a 9 but the ugly pants doom her wardrobe to a 1.

Best:
Chikezie
David Cook
Michael Johns

Worst:
Jason Castro
Archuleta

Going home:
Kristy Lee Cook

Posted by kris at March 18, 2008 08:59 PM

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