With election day looming, a lot of you will be glued to your TVs and computers tomorrow, watching for the latest election results. While I can't tell you how to spend your time, I do have a few alternative suggestions.

The truly politically insane on both sides of the aisle will probably be depressed on November 5th no matter who wins. Why? Their raison d'etre is gone. So, for them I suggest making sure that campaign 2008 ends with a bang. They could:

• Slash tires on "get out the vote" vans
• Set up roadblocks in minority neighborhoods
• Give the homeless cigarettes in exchange for voting
• Go to random polling places and make scary, glowering faces

If that's not your style, then how about using Election Day to better yourself:

• Celebrate the feast day of Saint Charles Borromeo, the patron saint of learning and the arts, by taking a trip to a local museum or gallery
• Watch the results at the gym - use your joy or rage at the polls to motivate yourself to a great workout

I know our readers are worried about tomorrow. They can use the day to prepare for the possibility of a coming Barapocalypse:

• Take money out of the bank and put it in your mattress
• Dust off that generator you bought for Y2K
• Hit the grocery store and stock up on canned goods

For you liberals worried about McCain, there's really only one thing to do.

If you've already recovered from Halloween, you can enjoy some election night drinking games. These range from drinking something blue or red, depending on which way states go (of course, this game is wrong since blue traditionally represents the incumbent party - 2000 screwed everything up) to taking a shot every time someone says maverick. I think if you really want to get messed up, take a shot every time the election is called "historic". It's the "Norm!" of 2008.

Finally, as the dust settles, might I humbly suggest that you become of proud member of the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy? Our motto? "Quality plots since 1992". I still have membership cards...