Arizona vs. California
May 19, 2010
Posted by kris at May 19, 2010 01:39 PM
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With the big brewhaha brewing between Arizona and California it seems like a good time to break it down and see what state will end up victorious in this border battle.
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| Potential Military Leaders | California has The Terminator, who helped John Connor temporarily save mankind while Arizona has John McCain, who, uh, got captured. I love Hogan's Heroes as much as the next right-minded person, but you gotta go with winners, even if they're fictional. |  |
| Armed Population | While over 30% of Arizonians have guns compared to California's 20%, California's vastly larger overall population means that its army of gun-toting wackos would clearly overwhelm Arizona's crackpots. | |
| Strategic Vulnerabilities | With over 60% of its water imported from outside the state, California is vulnerable not only through its power supply but also its water supply. |  |
| Intelligensia | While California has top schools like Cal-Berkley and Cal Tech, that brainpower is pretty much canceled out by its Hollywood stars and anyone who has ever been on The Hills. | Push |
| Morale | While California may be fighting from the moral high ground, Arizonians, like the South before them, may fight harder to preserve their way of life. | |
| Flanks | Arizona would have to simultaneously fight California and protect their southern border with Mexico. The people of Oregon, on the other hand, would never stop smoking pot and riding light rail long enough to pose a northern threat to California. | |
| National support | While many Americans would reflexively support Arizona's anti-immigrant stance, California could engage its screenwriting platoons to produce a series of slick propaganda films to sway the rest of the American public to its side. | |
| Natural resources | Arizona is ideally situated for a defensive war. If the Navajos could hole up in the canyons, there's no reason to believe that Arizona could do the same and ambush California troops. But, California definitely has the advantage in supplies with its plentiful produce, wine and "happy" cows. | Push |
| Potential Crippling Natural Disasters | Arizona has been devastated by meteors in the past, but seriously, how likely is it that they'd hit the same place twice? California, on the other hand, is overdue for a big earthquake. Just like the Bronze Age Trojans, California could lose the war because of its natural Achilles heel, rather than the Arizona Achilles (which totally would have been Shaq if he was still playing for the Suns). | |
| Heroes | While Californians could still be rallied to win one for the Gipper, Arizona could recall the fighting spirit of Cochise and Geronimo. |
At first it seems like California has the clear advantage, but when you break it down, you realize what a tough battle this really would be.
Posted by kris at May 19, 2010 01:39 PM
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Comments
| # May 19th, 2010 3:17 PM james |
| i knew this post was coming. |
| # May 19th, 2010 3:19 PM kris |
| Yes, I'm sure that you and my other two readers were well aware that I couldn't pass up the opportunity to put something in a table. Plus, I was hard up for ideas with no Triple Crown race looming. |