Now that the state of Arizona is busy coming up with ever more ingenious ways to make the lives of illegal immigrants less comfortable, I thought I could help them out with some suggestions of my own:

• Without power, illegals will be without air conditioning in the summer heat. But, they can still cool off at public pools, right? Not-so-fast my Mexican amigos. Why shouldn't pools require proof of citizenship too? Those illegals are extra bodies that overworked lifeguards have to watch over too. How would you feel if your child drowned because a lifeguard was busy giving some illegal or even some anchor baby mouth-to-mouth? Outrageous!


• So, without pools and A/C, will the illegals just go home? Not as long as they have ice cream they won't! I hereby beg the state legislature to require ice cream, yogurt, custard and gelato shops to check immigration status before they sell their tasty treats to any suspicious looking customers. Just think, those damn illegals will no longer be hogging that last scoop of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream! Not only that, grocery stores should also be required to check IDs. Oh sure, illegals won't have A/C, but that won't stop them from putting their store bought ice cream into their liberal friends' freezers, will it? And the rules above should also apply to ice. No more ice, ice (anchor) baby!


• Of course, comfort isn't just physical, it's emotional too. I have no doubt that far too many illegal immigrants cling to their Mexican allegiance by watching Telemundo. No mas! This is America and it's time we let these people know that if you want to watch something in Spanish, you should go back to Mexico. I call on all Arizona cable companies to immediately remove Telemundo and any other Spanish station from their lineup. I mean, really, why are the American people in Arizona paying a cable bill that includes service for Telemundo? Why should we subsidize their viewing of Mexican soccer and Rosalinda? How ridiculous.


• It goes without saying that our emergency services are being impacted because our brave police and firemen have to respond to emergencies involving illegal immigrants. This is bullshit. If some illegals' hovel is burning, I say let the mf'er burn. Just imagine the poor widow whose husband died fighting a fire of someone who shouldn't even be here. If that doesn't make you sick, you're not really an American.


• Finally, let's get serious for a moment. It's a lot to expect lifeguards, gelato scoopers, cable companies and fireman to be checking IDs all of the time. To simply things I propose that every man, woman and child in Arizona head to their closest DMV, show their birth certificate and get outfitted with a special Arizona flag armband. That'll make it so much easier to tell who's a real American and who we should send back through the border.

Hope this helps!