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  • The 14 Types of Concertgoers You Know & Hate

       July 12, 2010

    I go to a lot of concerts. I always optimistically think that if I like a band, then the other people who also like that band will be of a similar persuasion and the concert will be full of awesome people. I'm always wrong. Regardless of the band and how cool they are the crowd inevitably has those people in it. You know 'em and probably hate 'em:

    The 14 Types of Concertgoers You Know & Hate

    1. The Drunk - seems surprised that there's a band at this bar. The Drunk is mostly annoying due to their clumsiness that can result in spilled beer. They also have the potential to turn into Whooo!, the Bump & Grinder or Everybody Dance Now!. In truly revolting situations, they could also end up as a Smelly Cat.

    2. The Bump & Grinder - shows no respect for your personal space, whether it's general jostling or more inappropriate touching

    3. The Sibling - remember when you were a kid and your mother would admonish you to leave your siblings alone? You'd respond by almost hitting them and taunting them with a "I'm not touching you!!". The Sibling won't actually touch you, but they'll still invade your personal space by waving their arms or bobbing their booty in your face.

    4. The Stoic - is almost always a guy. You can easily spot him by his crossed arms, slightly closed eyes and nodding head - that's he makes sure you know how into the music he is. The Stoic is basically harmless on his own, but he can be combined with the Stick In The Mud or Smelly Cats.

    5. The Stick In The Mud - likes to treat a rock concert like a choral symphony and is willing to tell other people around them to sit down for the show too.

    6. Everybody Dance Now! - the opposite of The Stick In The Mud, these concertgoers are just as selfish in their demands that you experience the show exactly like they do. They'll harass you to get up and dance with them and will act as if that's the only way to enjoy the show.

    7. The Conversationalist - these folks are more interested in talking to each other rather than in listening to the band. They have to shout to hear each other, which means you get to hear them too. Yay!

    8. The Lead Singer - you might think you're going to a show to hear the band, but if you're stuck next to this person, all you're going to hear is them singing along to every song at the top of their lungs.

    9. The Requester - will loudly scream for his favorite song throughout the show, not noticing the carefully placed setlist at the artists' feet. This person is especially bad if they're requesting something obscure (show off) or requesting the big hit (clearly, they're saving it for the encoure).

    10. Freebird - you know how it was funny when people would randomly shout out "Freebird!" at concerts? This guy still thinks it's funny.

    11. WHOOOO! - even more annoying than the Freebird! people, they'll keep up a loud and nearly constant stream of "Whooooos!" throughout an entire show.

    12. The Groupie - they're really into the band. When they jostle in front of you, at first you'll think they're just another bump & grinder, but look carefully and you'll notice the glazed, lustful look in their eyes. They are completely unaware of the existence of anyone other than the band and as a result may accidentally cause harm.

    13. The Dancing Girls - these girls are like The Groupie, but instead of the band they're trying to pick up other concertgoers. They give themselves away by constantly checking to make sure that others are noticing their dancing and how cute they are.

    14. Smelly Cats - it might be patchouli, pot or just bad B.O., but you can smell these concertgoers before you see them. Be on the lookout for baja ponchos, girls in braids and old baseball tees.

    Posted by kris at July 12, 2010 12:28 PM

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