With summer finally here, I've been seeing a lot of state-specific tourism ads. The taglines of these ads just kill me. I saw one for Illinois the other day that said "Mile after Magnificent Mile". Whatever, Illinois. Colorado's ads say "In a place called Colorado". That's accurate, but not exactly descriptive.

I think it's time for accuracy and descriptiveness in tourism, so I'd like to propose the following slogans:

Alabama: There's A Band Named After Us!
Arizona: The Immigrants Did It
Delaware: Who Knew?
Hawaii Want A Birth Certificate?
Indiana: It Takes Way Longer To Drive Through Than You Thought, Huh?
Minnesota: Passive Aggressive Since 1858
New Jersey: America's Dumpster
North Dakota: No, The Other One
Oregon: That's Not Skunk You Smell
Vermont: We've Got Ice Cream

So that's just a few off of the top of my head. Hopefully we can think of more, because the rest of the states sure need some help.

I was at a party last night and as the sun set, the backyard turned into a kill zone. The mosquitoes were killing me. Like everyone else there, I was quickly driven inside. Even there, the mosquitoes quickly regrouped, hovering on the ceiling and waiting for their next victim. Mosquitoes suck, and it's only June. It's only going to get worse.

I have a horrible bat phobia. Yet even so, I understand the value of bats. They eat mosquitoes. But what is the value of mosquitoes? Do they contribute anything to the world besides disease, pain, misery and annoyance? If it ever became possible, would it be okay for mankind to wipe them off the face of the earth?

While I had a hearty knee jerk "YES!" to that question, is that the right answer? Don't most religions and philosophies believe that everything has a value and a purpose? Even mosquitoes. I mean, sure, we kill and eat other plants and animals, but so many cultures are taught to truly value that animal or plant for what it gives us. If we made mosquitoes extinct, it would just be out of spite.

Or maybe it's not even our right to decide that another species has no value. Who are we to judge? That might be just the kind of hubris that actually would speed up The Rapture.

Hmmm, or maybe The Rapture happened years and years ago, mosquitoes are part of the whole "hell on earth" thing and the Second Coming is just in the form of my personal savior, DEET.