As some of you may have figured out by now, I kind of have a thing about bumper stickers. I love 'em. And sometimes I love to hate 'em. I just found a new one to mock today:

There is no equality as long as a woman feels unsafe

Now I'm all for equality of opportunity. That's the dream America was built on. But that's too often twisted into the European version of equality of outcome. Now, apparently, even that's not enough. We all have to feel the same way too.

Someone please explain to me how a government, or even a society, can make sure that all its citizens feel safe. It's impossible. At some point people have to take responsibility not only for their own actions, but for their feelings too. If you don't feel safe, well sometimes that's just your own problem. You're offended? Maybe you're too sensitive.

That's the flip side of freedom, baby. And let me tell ya, freedom ain't no bumper sticker utopia.

While Madison doesn't have naked protestors (yet), we do have some of the nuttiest newspaper editorials you'll find anywhere in America.

Yesterday's Capital Times, had an editorial by Mary Conroy on long-term unemployment. Of course, long-term unemployment is all Bush's fault:

What can we do? We can write to Congress. The war in Iraq and tax cuts for the wealthy take much-needed money that could address unemployment. Trade agreements such as CAFTA and cuts in funds for education and social services exacerbate the problem. Proposed cuts in Social Security and other pension plans will bring back poverty to those over 55 -- poverty thought eradicated during the Johnson administration.

We can also ask our representatives to permanently extend unemployment benefits and retraining options. Instead of basing benefit extensions on the unemployment rate, Congress should focus on the total unemployment picture, including long-term unemployment.

Rather than making unemployed people pay for health insurance or go without it, the government should pick up the tab or provide national health insurance. That goes for people's food, clothing and shelter as well.

While a lot of this is the same old same old: Iraq, "tax cuts for the wealthy" and scary talk about old folks living on cat food, that last sentence is a doozy. Not only is the author advocating national health insurance (of course), but apparently she's also asking for national food, clothing and housing as well.

What could possibly be the incentive for someone to find a job if the government is willing to fulfill all their needs if they don't have one? Of course, maybe Conroy just thinks everyone should be taken care of by Uncle Sam. Either way, it's editorials like these that make me realize that I'm not exaggerating when I call the paper the Communist Times. Berkley has breasts, but Madison still has more than its share of moonbats.

Another day here in Madison. Another protest.

I kind of want to make my own sign with an outline of the Twin Towers, or of Nick Berg flanked by his murderers or of the London Tube and stand across the sidewalk from them with a sign that says "Stop Terrorism Now!"

Oh, and sadly, they were giving away lemonade, not Kool Aid.

Sorry to be a few days late, but I’ve been enjoying the pleasures of eastern Tennessee for the last few days. I should have taken my road bike. There are lots of hills, and lots of good pavement, but I digress. The Tour is finally over and Lance Armstrong rode away with a seventh win. In truth, this one was a yawner; easily the most boring Tour of the last couple of decades. The last half of the tour was animated only by Michael Rasmussen’s spectacular collapse in the final time trial, and Vinokourov going all out any time he felt good and getting a well deserved stage win in Paris. The real story now is what has Armstrong done for the Tour and for cycling, and what does the future hold.

Armstrong and the Postal / Discovery team have probably changed the Tour forever, and that is both good and bad. The good is that the quality of the riders and bicycling equipment is better than ever. The bikes are unbelievably light, strong and stiff. The riders all have two way radios, and the training has become very scientific. The bad is that that hasn’t translated into a better race. Too often now, the race is completely predictable, with the riders knowing the status of every other rider in the race in real time. Gone is the day when the riders had to decide for themselves how hard to ride and when to chase and attack. Gone also is the element of surprise. What we have instead is a bunch of stages with one or two teams riding a real hard tempo to try and tire people out for their team leader, and then a brief acceleration at the very end of the stage to see who’s tired. This type of racing has been highly successful for Postal / Discovery, but it leaves little drama, and without drama, the TV coverage will eventually cease. Look for the Tour to make some changes in the next few years, like possibly eliminating the radios, shortening some stages, and maybe mixing up the race by having some mountain stages at the start and end of the Tour instead of grouping them all in the middle.

For American cycling, Armstrong has been a revelation. The mere fact of Armstrong winning the Tour is what got cycling on TV regularly, and started a resurgence in road cycling. Prior to Armstrong, the mountain bike had taken over in the late 80s and 90s and the road bike had become passé. Today, in addition to far more adults riding, I see kids riding small road bikes and that is something I never saw five years ago. While this is good, it remains to be seen if there will a drop now that Armstrong has retired. The next few years are likely to be lean ones for Americans in the big races, and especially in the Tour which constitutes about 99% of cycling coverage in the USA. In the long run, though, the future of American cycling is brighter because of Armstrong. Some of the kids that started riding because of Armstrong should develop into good riders, and with more kids riding, it is likely some of them will be better athletes that would otherwise have done something else. The real key will be grass roots racing to keep kids riding., and I wouldn’t be surprised if Armstrong becomes a promotional tool for domestic racing by just making appearances. It would be a huge boost for the next generation of racers.

That brings me to my last point. Notice that I said those kids are athletes. It has suddenly become all the rage to debate whether or not Lance Armstrong is even an athlete, or alternately, to refer to him as an “endurance” athlete. As opposed to what? Should we now refer to Michael Jordan as a “ball bouncing” athlete? Is Joe Montana is now a “ball throwing” athlete? Have hockey and baseball players become “stick wielding” athletes? Don’t even get me started on golf. All you have to do is remember all the whining that took place on the PGA Tour when the possibility of a disabled golfer getting to ride in a cart reared its’ head. Evidently a slow walk of a couple of miles, spread out over several hours constitutes a physical exertion that can break down a professional golfer, excuse me, “metal club wielding” athlete, leaving him at the mercy of his disabled competition. Obviously pro cyclists are athletes. If you want an endurance athlete, go for one of the guys in the Race Across America. Those guys pedal across the country in a little over nine days, sleeping for maybe an hour a day. That’s an endurance athlete.

So what’s left for cycling in 2005? There are still a couple of good one day events, the Classica San Sebastien and the World Championships are two, and then there is the Vuelta a Espana, the last of the three grand tours. he Vuelta will be the final chance at redemption for any riders or teams that have had bad years, but it looks like most of the Americans put all their eggs in the Tour de France basket, so don’t expect an American winner or to even hear of the results (I’ll put my money on Aitor Gonzalez. He won a couple of years ago and looks to be over the fat and slow phase he went through the last two years.) I’ll withhold my prediction for next year’s Tour for now, and I’ll be back again before next years spring classics (Paris – Roubaix is really the best race there is, and it’s only one day) for some more cycling talk.

Click here for more Tour de France coverage

I've seen this license plate before, and apparently it's in reference to the owner's dog, but seriously, who in the DMV missed this one? The standards for personalized plates state that:

Wisconsin Department of Transportation (WisDOT) may refuse to issue a personalized plate message which may be offensive to good taste or decency, is misleading, or conflicts with the issuance of any other license plates.

Someone in the Wisconsin DMV is asleep at the wheel.

While I was happy that Lance Armstrong won his 7th Tour de France Sunday, the most satisfying result in the world of sports came last night at the World Swimming Championships in Montreal. There, American Brendan Hansen avenged his Olympic loss to Japan's Kosuke Kitajima in the 100 meter breastroke final.

Why is this a big deal? Well last summer in Athens, Hansen came into the Olympics as the newly minted world record holder in each of the breastroke events. He lost the 100 meter final to Kitajima who proceeded to yell, scream and otherwise carry on obnoxiously in the lane next to him. Said Hansen at the time:

"Let this get stuck in my head. Let me remember him screaming after that race, and remember what that felt like," Hansen said. "It’s important to let something like that fire you up and not bring you down for the next race."

But Kitajima's obnoxiousness wasn't even the worst part. The worst part was that he blatantly cheated by making illegal dolphin kicks in the race. The officials didn't call him on it, so the US team couldn't protest the result. But last night, illegal kicks or not, Hansen spanked Kitajima.

Unfortunately, that still doesn't make up for what happened in the Olympics. There's video evidence of Kitajima's cheating, but the US media never grabbed a hold of the story they way they did the Paul Hamm story. Many in the American media urged Hamm to give him gold medal away. But I didn't hear any of these people saying something similar to Kitajima.

My theory is that the US media thinks of their own country as something of an Olympics bully. It'd be a little unseemly for the country with the most medals to demand even more. Their sense of justice only extends to smaller countries and/or cute athletes (see Sale and Pelletier). Unfortunately, that leaves athletes like Hansen out in the cold.

Luckily, last night he was able to get his own measure of revenge. Actually, I shouldn't say "luckily". He did it all on his own.

One of the more amusing stories I've read lately is the tale of a Kenyan man who's fallen head over heels for Chelsea Clinton and is offering 20 cattle and 40 goats for her hand in marriage. While I'm not the biggest fan of the Clintons, by all accounts they did well by Chelsea, as she seems to be a delightful young woman. As such, I think they could get much more for her. In fact, I think she's probably among the top five most valuable Presidential children. The whole story got me to thinking about what some of the other famous and infamous Presidential children might really be worth.

13. Ron Reagan: once Ron Reagan stood up at the Democratic National Convention last summer, he truly became a traitor to his father's legacy. Now, of course Ron is his own man and he's entitled to his own opinions. But, the only reason anyone listens to those opinions is because of who his father is. He's using his father's good name to spout off about liberal causes his father would have wanted no part of. That's terrible. So terrible that I think the Reagans would consider paying someone to take him off their hands, not the other way around.

12. Neil Bush: for the elder Bush's ne'er-do-well son, we think a game of Monopoly would be an acceptable offer. The Bush's probably wouldn't miss the potential embarassment caused by some of Neil's questionable business activities and I bet they'd enjoy Monopoly, a game they probably couldn't play in Neil's presence after his role in the S&L scandals.

11. Amy Carter: as the rather homely, hippieish daughter of one of our most unpopular Presidents, I don't think Amy's worth all that much. In a homage to the movie Almost Famous, I'd suggest that $50 and a case of Billy Beer would be enough for her.

10. Julie Nixon Eisenhower: you'd think she'd rank higher on this list, but I think she's just past her prime. The spotlight was on her when she married President Eisenhower's grandson and then again for a little bit after the death of her parents. But, while she's done nothing wrong, the cache of her once magical name is gone. I'd trade her straight up for Harvard Med School student Vanessa Kerry or her sister Alexandra.

9. Patti Davis: on one hand, was the Reagan family's black sheep. On the other hand, she did reconcile with her family before Ronald Reagan's death. Good for her. Actions like that will ensure that her family wouldn't let her go so cheaply. Since "there's nothing better for the inside of a man than the outside of a horse", we think the rest of the Reagans might accept a promising California-based racehorse, like the two-year olf filly A.P. Warrior, in exchange for Patti. Oh, and they'd have to throw in a few bags of jellybeans. ;-)

8. Dorothy Bush Koch: is the stealth Presidential daughter. She doesn't do anything to embarass her family, but maybe that's just because she's stayed away from the limelight. She's a Pioneer fundraiser for her brother George and would probably do the same for her brother Jeb and her nieces Jenna and Barbara if and when they choose to run for office. So, Dorothy's worth a lot, if I were the Bushes I wouldn't let her go for less than a brand spanking new yacht for the Bush Compound.

7. Michael Reagan: if Patti Davis is worth an up and coming thoroughbred, then her brother, the conservative talk show host, is worth at least a good thoroughbred stallion, I'd suggest Holy Bull (because the President certainly took no bull ;-) and two bags of jellybeans!

6. Steven Ford: fans of The Young and the Restless know the still-handsome Steven Ford better as Andy Richards. Others will recognize him from such movies as When Harry Met Sally, Starship Troopers and Black Hawk Down. For a Presidential kid, Ford's been quite a success. For him, I think I'd accept nothing less than Newman Enterprises, J'Abbot Cosmetics and Chancellor Industries!

5. Jenna Bush: while Jenna certainly has the potential to be nothing more than a scandal-ridden obstacle for her quieter sister Barbara, she also seems to have the common touch that her parents posess, and her grandfather famously lacked. She could be a huge boozehound in the making, or she could have the brightest future of any of the Bushes. As such, she's worth a lot, but probably not as much as her sister. Plus, there's the whole blond vs. brunette thing, but I'm not going to get into that. For now let's just say that Jenna, as a UT girl, probably wouldn't mind being sent to Oklahoma football coach Bob Stoops for a promise that this year Texas will beat the Sooners return to the Rose Bowl, this time to play for the National Championship.

4. Jeb Bush: as the Governor of Florida, Jeb's already one hot commodity. Factor in his potential and it's clear that he's worth a lot. In fact, I wouldn't settle for anything less than several Carribean islands. I might originally ask for Cuba, but that's just bargaining. I think he could be had for a combination of Aruba, Saint Kitts, and Turks and Caicos.

3. Caroline Kennedy: has inherited great wealth from her ancestors and, luckily for her, she appears to have inherited a touch of class from her mother. I'm sure she's a raging liberal like the rest of the clan, but she's a raging liberal with a magical name, a whole lot of panache and a great head of hair. If her uncle Teddy made the deal, we suspect Caroline could be had for a good bottle of Irish whiskey (or two), but I wouldn't let her go for less than all of old Ulster.

2. Barbara Bush appears to be much like her aunt Dorothy. She's smart (a Yale grad), but shies from the limelight. Given her brains, beauty and family connections, the sky's the limit for young Barbara. She's got tremendous upside potential. So, if Bushhitler, Cheney and Halliburton don't succeed in stealing all of the Middle East's oil for their own sinister purposes, perhaps they can get it in exchange for Barbara. It seems like it'd be a good deal for everyone. Well, everyone but Barbara that is.

1. Finally (and obviously) we come to most valuable Presidential child of them all: George W. Bush. What would it take to acquire an actual American President? Well, the cynics and moonbats among us would say that President Bush has already been bought by evil corporate America. The romantics among us would say that Bush can't be sold because he already belongs to his dear Laura (awww). But I would just say that like the MasterCard commercials have taught us, somethings are priceless ;-)

Wow, I haven't written anything so nice about the President in awhile. I think the silly liberal attacks against him (he's too fit!, his Supreme Court nominees are too nicely dressed!) are making me like him more than I normally would. Keep it up guys.